So I'm thinking about doing it. Telling my parents about Dee (my boyfriend) and the whole pregnancy deal. It's been keeping my on edge. BUT I want to have my shit together and I want my parents to see me doing well. So that it doesn't go disasterously. BUT it will go disasterously. I just know it. I've lied to them in the past and also been a huge burden throughout the years. They see me as a screw up and there will be periods of time that I am not, but overall that's how they see me. But Dee is a great man. He may not be physcially or statusly what they have in idea for me, but he's the right guy. He treats me well, he makes me feel good, and I love being with him. He's the love of my life and he's the reason that this baby is in me. Clearly, (although I am never spirtual so this might be the only time you hear this) God had a plan for me. He's giving me this baby to say "WAKE THE FUCK UP THIS IS THE RIGHT GUY FOR YOU AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU AND LOVE YOU". I've had relationships and love, but all of them walk away, even when I beg them not too. Dee says and I believe him and he is even willing to go to the courhouse when I say the word get a marriage licesnces and then get his pastor and have us a wedding right in his own house. Which is what I will do as soon as I let my mom and dad know I'm pregnant because I know all funds of payment will be taken away, they will no longer support me and I will be shunned by the family. I just know it. I know it's going to break my heart walking away from them when they say "pick us or him" and I will pick Dee. I want to for the baby and too be free. I',m always under their thumb and doing what they expect me to do because its what they want for me. But I want things for myself. I am an adult. Its time to start acting like one.
Thinking About It
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Looking/higher powers/remembering
sadjac, , Depression, Questions, Religion, Sex Therapy, Social Anxiety, Suicide, 0
I keep looking, searching for that something. That something that one day will make my life seem complete, or...
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Would YOU procreate with genes like THESE?
Ghostgirl, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Child, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Therapy, 0
I was having fun gaming tonight for the first time in 3 weeks but then my boyfriend's family started...
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Drowning
Aquazium, , Depression, Marriage & Family, Uncategorized, 1
Feels like I’m dying inside Slowly beginning to hide My colors, my face, my scars The only person I...
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Psychoanalysis of the movie CYRUS
eli1, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Relationships, Schizophrenia, 0
I finished watching a movie called CYRUS. I just wanted to pen down some of my thoughts and analysis...
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Strife
deidrexx, , Depression, Anger, Relationships, Self Esteem, 0
Today K texted me. He is being cyberbullied again. And I found out it was by the same girl...
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No way out of the darkness
TessErin, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Domestic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Medication, Self Esteem, Sleep Disorders, Therapist, 0
I used to be foolish enough to think something would help dissolve the darkness: the right medication, that something...
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Uncomfortable
Heffaloo, , Depression, 3
Almost all of the results of my Friday morning stupidity are finally cleaned up. Jim cleaned the glass off...
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Revolving resolutions
SaltWaterDrinker, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Relationships, 3
Another long sad song from the one-note trumpet. Sorry to anyone who makes a practice of reading every blog....

