I use to write blogs. They let me express myself ,get out all my sadness and what I was feeling at the time. For me I need to feel I am talking to someone or I tend to do things that aren't healthy. I wrote my poems of heartfelt feelings, I cried, I ranted and I rambled. But when I was done I felt so much better just letting out all that pent up depression. Even having my friends support me and tell me I wasn't alone that things would be better, offering encouragment. I come to DT because I feel I am in a group that share so many of the feelings and experiences that I have lived. It has saved my life many times when I was desperate and in a unhealthy situation.
I come to DT because it was created to help those of us that feel like helpless and hopeless is a given. I find though my friends here are so supportive and loving and I wonder sometimes what I would do if I didn't have them in my lonely life. I thank you all for given a part of you in your words. I am so blessed everyday I sign on…yes I will always have my depression , I will have days I never want to see the sun come up. But when I slip, type my words and let my feelings show I am rewarded with many who give me hope when I know it's hard for them to have hope. Thank you also for that my dear ones.
I felt like I had to stop writing on a main blog. I became depressed and empty. Sometimes there are people who feel because they have conquered their depression that they have more knowledge and can offer the best advice as in an arm chair profession. That their advice was meaningful and helpful, but it came across as authoritive and some times harsh. Then ended in a religious saying. I wonder if they are cured and their lives beginnng to get better why are they here but to answer every blog with that professional advice. It made me feel that my feelings weren't important , that I was like a child being chided by a parent. I don't want to go back to my past childhood. I want to forget those speeches of what you have to do or don't do. I know that in their minds they are trying to help. That what they are saying will help us get over that helpless feeling. For me all I want is to not feel alone, to have someone say that this was their feelings and experiences. That they feel the same and we can help each other over this period of dispare. Being negative is part of my bi-polar and PTSD, if I was positive I wouldn't have what I have or feel what I feel. I would love to be in a positive frame of mind every minute of every day but that isn't in the cards for me right now. I pay handsomely to go to a professional every week to help me understand what it is that I need to do to overcome my illness.
I must admit I regreted having to block those that made me feel more depressed then I started out with in my blogs. I don't like to do that for I have no ill feelings but only care for everyone I have met on here.
I now feel some what better having said what I was feeling, I am sure that I will be questioned on my words , maybe in a negative way. But I don't have that shadow looking over my shoulder anymore.
Thank you DT for giving me a forum to expess myself and for saving my unhealthy habits by sharing and having others share with me so I don't feel alone.