Alright, so today hasn't been to eventful. Though i've been anxious since last night because my mom kept bugging me about going to the valenica bookstore with my brother to get his books.

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I didn't want to go, I don't like going out. I didn't know if i'd actually have to go today or not. but when it came to, he asked if I wanted to go but I told him I was having a bad day (but when don't i?)

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He said it was okay he 'guessed' but know I wonder if I hurt his feelings? he's my twin afterall. But he's had to deal with my insanity for years now. It haunts me.

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so i'm home alone right now, with my pets in bed. writing this and watching law & order svu. I also updated a new chapter to me story that I'm writing on wattpad. I have alot written out for it but when it comes to posting it I feel i have no engery to do so.

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Luckily mom won't be home til late tonight because she's going out with teacher friends. so I don't have to deal or be the peace maker if she were to get into another fight with dad.it's so draining being around her…

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I hate that everyone (espeically mom) keeps trying to force me outside when I'm not ready. I'M JUST NOT. I can't handle it. During this recovery period I look DISGUSTING. I don't want to be seen. I cry each time I'm forced to go anywhere.

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I haven't even seen my therapist for 2 weeks because of that (and money problems). so far we've made it til now, dad gets paid friday but alot will be taken out from over draft charges. im sick of dealing with these money problems, scrapping for change, his job problems, their fights, my own shity problems…UGH.

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I just want to scream. or disappear even if it were just a little while. I don't know….I have so many jumbled thoughts I can't think or express them right.

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Hope you all are doing well. Stay strong.