Overworked overworked overworked… I’m stressed out of my mind and my mind is failing me, Do this, do More, You Finished that well here’s more, Why aren’t you doing more, I told you to do to this, Why aren’t you doing good enough, you’re a failer, your gonna be a no life, Don’t you have work to do, You fished that Well here’s more, Your Arguing with me? ——abuse_–___, You aren’t your part around here, You better start working, Why aren’t you working, Stop being lazy, I can’t believe you’re my kid, I’m gonna take your phone away… “Stop” I scream holding back crying because I’m scared as they are yelling and treating me, “DID YOU JUST YELL AT ME!” _–___abuse_—–, start on your school work and come to me when you’re done… the list goes on and on and it’s my fault I mean look at it I don’t do enough, I’m not good enough for anybody no matter how much I put in. They demand more and when I can’t do it, well you can picture the rest…
Depression is my worst enemy but who am I kidding it’s not, it’s becoming my friend is this world of screaming and hitting and abuse that I go through its the only thing that gives me company throughout the day, I hear Screaming and just negativity in my head all the time unless I’m doing okay but when is that. It’s not like anyone is here to hug me and tell you don’t have to worry I won’t ever leave you. I Don’t get much time to talk to people even over the phone because they are other hurting or they rather just not listen to me even though how much I need them… I just wanna hear some talk to me without screaming or hate… it’s sad honestly, How I am crying and no one seems to really give of shit.. but who am I to ask for attention I don’t deserve it, I don’t have anyone here for me… ohh man when was the last time I had a genuine phone call, I can’t remember and Don’t even get me started on a face to face conversation, There no way I could remember that mabby… Yeah, I really can’t recall any.. Even if I do show this to people it’s not like they’re gonna talk to me more because why would they, they other give excuses to talk to other people other than me or rather go do something else on their phone than listen to me vent and how I about to fucking Kill myself because I just can’t take it…
Okay, let’s start over, Hi I’m Evan! So nice to meet you. Some of you knew that but Hey, who really cares: am I, right? C sure does think so and its hard to believe anything else because that all I hear and I’m rarely, Rarely told that people care about me and if they do say it, they apologies and Sware they will do better but they break my trust and then never talk to me again and fucks up other people because I don’t know if I can trust them so If I’m still talking to you, your one of the lucky ones who I actually really care about and trust but even then you hardly talk to me and its seriously heartbreaking and it makes me feel like None of you wanna talk to me even though I know that’s not the case but like I said You rather do other things than spend an hour with me and make sure I’m okay but I would and do pick up the phone as soon as I can when you call me and I never hang up unless I’m about to get screamed at by my wonderful family. The heartbreaking thing is people said they would always be there for me… but you rather do something else…
Everything that I go through at home, is breaking me but I can’t escape it, except for fucking up my future or Dieing so I take Scars because what choice am I left with… My PTSD Is really fucked up, My depression is really fucked up, My Anxiety has never been so High with constant panic attacks with am I going to get abused or A whole Shit ton of worry, My self-esteem is at an all-time low because of abuse and not having anyone, People are trying to shove medication on me and I need it or I would be so broken even more so.. It’s funny how numb I am but not at the same time…
I’m hurting and even though I scream for help! no one stays… So I face it alone… I head to the gym and just try and be better, I’ve always had that mindset but sometimes when things get really bad Witch is starting to be more often than ever, its different…
I’m So lonely and overworked, I have no one, I hurting, I’m bleeding… But no one wants to talk to me, just don’t kill yourself okay… Sure I respond just hoping that they will talk to me later but they never wanna hear me talk and if they did I wouldn’t be able that well because I get scared they will hang up the phone AND THEY DO!! I need someone to just be there! To just be there for me.. but no one wants to have a two-hour phone call where they can make sure I’m okay, but they can’t hear me talk.. They rather not listen to me because they just can’t stand it… What the hell… I NEED YOU!!! I’m on the brink of killing myself and you rather hang up the phone and take care of yourself.. Yeah I’m worthless people rather give fewer shits about me, than just to let me cry and talk about how I feel, So what do I do? I hide it… because they don’t wanna listen and I have no one to turn too, So I go to the blade to make myself calm down and compress everything again.. I need someone who cares about me to just let me talk to them without them hanging up the phone call or them fucking up because THEY AREN’T… i am.. can’t you see the knife in my heart.. just don’t hang up please… just let me talk to you, I wanna talk.. I need to talk before Its too late and I hurt whoever is reading this… I can’t take this abuse and loneliness
