Who’s fault is it anyway and
does it really matter now??
As i sit here and write this, I wonder what the hell happened to that great guy, that sweet, nice, caring person that I first met? Did he simply vanished? Or did I cause him to leave…maybe I caused him to run like hell away from the world. I did, I know, change his life forever. I infected him and it doesn’t seem like he will ever forgive me, not that I can blame him.
I have always thought of myself as a person who can read other people pretty well. My first impressions are usually pretty accurate, but apparently, not this time…I can’t figure him out!
He’s always so angry…doesn’t seem to go forward…he’s stuck in the past. Possibly he’s just in need of blaming someone. I don’t know why that isn’t already a solved issue…I’m to blame! It’s like he has to remind himself who’s fault it is and I feel like if he thinks I should pay for it everyday of the rest of my life …I don’t need reminders, I live with it everyday. I’m sincerely sorry that it happened, but I can’t go back and change what has already occured. No one can.
As I sit here and ponder all of this, I have to thank my lucky stars, that I have a sense of humor (somewhat odd as it may be), and apparently a strong enough will and determination to do what I think is right. No matter what.
I sure do hope things gets better soon, don’t see how they can get much worse!
I try talking to him about things…doesn’t seem to matter, he never listens anyway, which is typical, I guess. His way or no way at all!
All this drama..will it ever ends? I suppose I’m in control of that…I can make it end…I can just leave…but what does that say about me owning up to my responsibilities? Is it my responsibility anymore? When is enough, enough? Must I pay for the rest of my life by being miserable?
No, I think not! It’s time to move forward…only wish he could do the same!