A new 
priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly 
speak.
 After 
mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
 
  
The 
monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the 
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to 
get nervous, I take a sip.' 
  
So 
next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
 At 
the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a 
drink.
 He 
proceeded to talk up a storm.
 
  
Upon 
his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on 
the door:

 

1)   Sip 
the vodka, don't gulp.

 
2)  
There are 10 commandments, not 12.

 
3)  
There are 12 disciples, not 10.

 
4)  Jesus 
was consecrated, not constipated.

 
5)  Jacob 
wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

 
6)  
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

 
7)  
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and 
the spook.

 
8)  
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of 
him.

 
9)  
When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say 
he was stoned off his ass.

 
10) 
We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

 
11) 
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and 
eat it for this is my body.' He did not say 'Eat 
me'.

 
12) 
The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.

 
13) 
The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the 
grub, Yeah God.

 
14) 
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. 
Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. 
Taffy's.

 
The 
Origination of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to 
everyone who passes it on. The one who breaks the chain will have bad 
luck.

 

Do 
not keep this letter. Do not send money just forward it to twelve of 
your friends to whom you wish good luck and a great 
laugh.
 You 
will see that something good happens to you four days from now if the 
chain is not broken.

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