been such a hard week……..so much to do and not enough motivation and energy to do it

cant even get the therapy appt i want cos i keep missing her calls

i am finding everything such a struggle…but i dont wanna go back on meds

its like everything is on my shoulders…..ive had to do everything for 30yrs and i get so so tired of it all……i know its my own fault…..cos ive done too much all these years and now its expected…….

but i cant do it anymore…….its too hard….too overwhelmed…just once it would be lovley for someone to say.."its ok……let me help you"….

and what about all my other issues ??

so so much is goin on in my head…….im soon to meet a friend who has got me thru some of the hardest and lowest times of my life

omg i cant wait but i dunno if i can handle it…….my emotions take over and i cant control them……

i cant deal with any pressure…any little thing at work turns into this real big issue that i cant cope with….

and i cant talk to my family and certain friends bout any of it cos they just dont understand…they all think everything is okay…….but its not…..and never will be….im not the same girl……my fathers death made me evaluate everything in my life…..and i want and need so much more in life now…..

the anniversary of my fathers death is getting closer every day and that is bothering me……i know i should be over it..blah blah

i will never forget the hell of that…..the issues surrounding it……im trying to remember the good times but i cant…….cos he never showed me love and support…….he didnt know how…….yet i luved him cos he was my father and im missing him terribly

and as for my mentally ill mother…….and me having to be strong again and again……thats another issue  🙁

so okay maybe i should listen to my own advice and try and think about

good thoughts……and hold on to them……cos they will carry me through……..