Today has been a really long day.. ive had to get up at 6 in the morning and i worked 9 hours at my main job in the summer.. now im going to have to referee a couple soccer games so i will have worked at least 11 hours today.. luckily my day will get better because tonight me and my best friend are going to hang out with a bunch of girls and have a game night.. they have it almost every wednesday and i really want to start going to keep my mind off things..

Im still missing her of course (my ex) and today it was pretty bad in the morning.. i was EXTREAMLY tempted to txt her but i somehow stopped myself by thinking that its best to stay away for now and hopefully someday she will miss me.. i pretty much kno that there is no way we will ever get back together again and it leaves me heartbroken when i think about it… Ive acted too crazy and needy for her to ever want to go back to me.. its my fault and i want to take so much of it back.. i want to take so many things in our relationship back so that we wld still be together today.. Tonight i will try and post a poem that i wrote about her right before we broke up. it was almost if i cld tell it was going to happen.. I just want her back so bad and ive told her this over and over and she no longer cares.. i hate myself for screwing everything up in our relationship and i regret so much… i just wish i cld have her back or get over her entirely.. Love is so hard!!!

i thought of a quote type thing while i was working today.. "I am just like paper. Alone i am weak, flimsy, and vulnerable. But every time i get hurt, another layer is added to me and eventially i will be a book. A book of sadness and heartbreak but no longer weak and unoticed. As i endure more pain, even more layers are added to me. In the end i will be stronger than iron and nothing will be able to hurt me.