i'm trying to hold it together but i just can't do it anymore, i flinch when he goes to touch me, i squirm when he kisses me and when i'm with him i'm counting down the hours, minutes till i can go home. It's not right..
I enjoyed the attention at first, i told him things i've never told a guy before, he's stuck by me when nobody else had. But i'm just not attracted to him..and the longer this continues i'm dying more inside.
The thing is, he has depression too and he is sensitive, which makes me really scared to tell him how i really feel. he's always saying 'i love you' i say it back but i can't feel it..i feel so guilty for prolonging this, but i can't tell him!! we've just passed out 6 month anniversary, which he is over the moon about, it's nothing much to me, i was in a relationship for nearly 3 years before matt!!
I do care about him though, i'm scared he's gonna do something stupid if i do break up with him, i'm scared he'll turn into a recluse, he'll have nobody to talk to, it will damage his confidence..but all the meanwhile i don't know how much longer i can hold on without cracking!!
I'm also worried that this is me wanting to get out of a relationship so i can harm myself more? i dont know!!! i feel SO confused..
Another barrier is, i'm in the middle of decorating his parents house at the moment! and i've still got work to do there..i can't leave now!! can i?
Yeah thats another thing! i can't stand his house!! it literally stinks, they don't empty the bin or clean the kitchen atall, or hoover..i've been bought up in a fairly tidy household tbh, this is just gross..i need to get out!!!
help 🙁 how can i let him down gently?!?!