So it was a about 5/6 months ago. I was still working, but doing calling in sick at work, and leaving the house so mum thought I was work. Free to do what ever i wanted, which at that time mostly revolved around drinking or gambling at the casino, while drinking of course.

I purchased myself 3 bottles of wine, and  drove to one of my favourite spots to drink alone. I finished those bottles off in about 2 hours. So I drove to the nearby bottle shop and purchased two more bottles.  By the time i had finished the first two bottles, i was drunk, but not very drunk. I have a high tollerance for alcohol, i think that mostly comes down to the extra weight I carry. Anway I finished the 3rd bottle, by this time i’m very drunk. i drink about half of the last bottle, and poured the rest into an old water bottle that was in the car.

I started to drive around, not really going anywhere, just driving around. I put the music on as loud as it would go, and was just driving where ever the road took me. I don’t really remember alot of the places I went cause i was that drunk. I remember thinking that if i crashed, this would be a good thing. I wasn’t affraid of crashing at all. Infact I was willing it.

I was heading to a KFC up the road when I remember seeing a policeman on a motorbike come out from the police station near the KFC, and he put on his lights, wanting to pull me over.  FREAK OUT TIME. I remember putting my foot to the excellerator, and swerving all over the road to pass cars. The police on the motorbike then put on the sirens aswell as the lights. I recall him coming up right next to me and tapping on the window as i was driving. I remember him yelling out for me to pull over, but i ignored him, and went faster. Sooo i’m thinking at this point there is no going back.

I head out onto the nearby highway, with the policeman backing off. I’m not slowing down though. I can see him in my rear view mirror, so i’m not going to slow down. I recall looking down at my spedometer, and i was going about 150-200km/h.

While i’m driving at this speed I’m continuaslly taking swiggs of the wine in the water bottle. By the time i reach town, i can see that there are atleast 4 police cars with sirens behind me. I remember laughing, thinking that this is very funny.

That was really the most i remember of the chase. I remember bits and pieces, like going through a red light, and hitting a car on the side, as i tried to squeeze between two cars at an intersection.  Apparently this chase actually went for 2 hours, but for me, i remember the start and the end. 

Next I remember is looking in the rear view mirror, and seeing NO police cars! YES! I have got away!! The petrol light is on, so i head back to home, not really knowing where i am, but i know the general direction i need to go. I got quite far back towards my house, before I couldn’t go no further. I was soo tired. I pulled the car up on the shoulder of the highway and started to pass out.  A few minutes later There is a tap at the window. The police.

Apparently they had been following me the whole time, but i didn’t see them. They told me to open the door, So I didn’t of course. They threattened to smash the window, and that was the point that I opened it. The took my keys, and the water bottle, which was now all but empty.  They took me into the police car, while they locked up my car ect. I remember looking around and seeing 2 police cars there.

I pleeaded in the backseat of the police car for them to shoot me. I asked them over and over "what would it take for you two shoot me?" in which they didn’t give me a reply. I recall taking my keys in my hand and saying, " If I punch you with these keys in my hand would you kill me?". So they took my keys.

Back at the police station, I took a breath test. They asked me if i was happy with the test,  I told them that i wasn’t and i wanted a blood test. So off to the hospital we went.

So about two weeks passed, then the police officer on the motorbike showed up on my door, He took my licence. I was very pissed off at this.

About 3/4 months later, off to court i go. My charges, Dangerous Driving and Drink driving. I decide that I want to do this on my own, no one with me. No lawyers .. NOTHING.  I was one of the last to be called up to see the judge. It was at this point that i realized the trouble i was in. He sent me to go have a "pre Sentance report". This basically involves a probation officer taking down your life story, and seeing what punishment is appropriate.

This was when i met my wonderful probation officer matt. I told him EVERYTHING.  About me wanting to die, the cutting , the drinking . the lot. Matt told me that i wouldn’t be going to jail, maybe community service or probation. This was a total relief.

 When i went back to court, (WITH A LAWYER NOW) the judge said that he was concidering giving me Jail time as "this is the worse case of dangerous driving i have ever seen". My gut dropped. I have never been so scared in all my life. After the lawyer pleading my case, and the judge reading the report, he decided that he wouldn’t send me to jail (YET). I got a 6 month suspended sentance, 15months probation, 2 yrs 6mnths without my licence.

So what does this mean? Basically if I get cought driving ONCE, i’m in jail. No IF/ BUTS, Go directly to jail, do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars. I have to see Matt (probation officer) regualary, he basically controlls my life. I can’t get a job unless he knows about it. I can’t leave the state unless he knows about it. I can’t leave the country AT ALL. I can’t move into a different house unless he knows about it.

Now what what the point of me telling this story? well, one of the conditions of my probation was that i had to undergo Phsycological treatment and another was that i had to undergo alcohol treatment. Both of which are at the discression of Matt. Its up to him what he wants me to do. If i don’t do it i’m in jail. Simple as that.

I find it soo hard to come to terms with this. The whole "getting treatment" thing. Its just like you have to acknowlegde you have an issue. I promised Beth that i would talk to Matt about getting help with my drinking. I can’t do this alone. I’m very scared about this. I will have to see him tomorrow so i guess we’ll see.

The moral of this story? Don’t Drink and drive.. Don’t end up like me. I think everyday, what if i had killed someone? It eats at me. What if it was a child?