this morning i got up and realized that my sister might marry a black guy. she’s dating a black guy. i like the guy. he seems nice. but i worry for her. it will ruin my parents, who are both pretty conservative sorts of people. as for myself, would i rather have an indian brother-in-law…? i guess. but i care most that the guy treats her right and that he makes her happy. im nobody to demand that my sister live her life the way she lives it, ya know. im just a regular joe. i made a really poor move while playing chess amidst my sisterly worrying that im a bit angry with myself for but whatever. what else. i guess im also a bit lost right now in my life. part of me is gung ho about becoming a professional musician and another part wonders if im running from medicine, to which i devoted like 3 yrs of post bacc education before recently dropping it. ive never been too sure of where i fit in either. i guess im riddled with excessive doubt about stuff in general; the big stuff anyway. life, women, career choices, friends. i feel like ive lost a bit of myself really. i feel so behind in my life with where im going. people from my college graduated and have lived and worked and enjoyed themselves in other places around the country and the world. and all ive done is move to austin and then back to houston. i feel like i need a change, but im not sure where to go. hey thats a great song lyric lol. im learning now that sitting around and letting your worries consume you is prbably the worst thing that can happen to you if you don’t keep moving forward. for people like us, we have to work hard to keep ourselves from stagnating. im so envious of people that i know, who don’t seem to have the same worries and doubts about themselves that i do. i guess it’s kind of a why me kinda way of thinking ive got at the moment. another solid lyric. i wonder if ill ever really figure me out at all. somebody help me, please….

1 Comment
  1. locoindio 15 years ago

    so im almost done reading the 7th harry potter book. its a cool story, and im an adult. i can see why kids would be so obsessed with the entire thing. when i went to barnes and noble to purchase a copy at midnight last week, there were all these little kids there in their witch and wizard outfits, and they all got glasses to wear so they’d look like harry potter. it was cute. oh and i just found out that i got a fulltime teachng position at a high school near my house. so im going to stick it out there for at least a year and then see how i feel about it. when i have this summer off, i plan to go to san francisco to study an indian classical percussion instrument called tabla. it’s kind of like a drum set except all the tones that you’d imagine getting from a drum set is contained within 2 small drums that you sit on the floor and play. it’s pretty cool. so im gonna go do that this summer if i plan it properly. what makes getting this teaching job cool is that for the past 4-5 years i have lived at home struggling to find out what i like and don’t like, trying to deal with my OCD. and all of you know how embarrassing it feels to have OCD, feeling like you’re so behind from everyone else around you in your age group. so this is a milestone for me. im both relieved and excited. more bloggage soon to come.

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