Im having a day where i just dont know what to do  I can barely breath. Kellen (my boyfriend with ROCD) has been with me for over 2 months now. Since the day we met we have not spent more than 3 days apart… Neither of us are working right now. We have had many conversations about how the way we are doing this is unhealthy. I was an only child. I am a very independant person. In the past i have always needed a lot of alone time to keep my sanity and possitive attitude. I need to feel free. I was surprised with how well i handled Kellen in the beginning. I was able to put myself aside and focus entirely on helping him and showing him a good time. Unfortunatly over the last few weeks i have been loosing it   I am trying to get him to see someone again and work with cognitive behavioral therapy but he wont go. I try to get him to spend a few hours away from me each day but then he just goes in the next room and panics. I cant text anyone without him asking all about it. Cant even get up from the couch half the time without him asking where im going. The only reason i am online right now is because I told him he should go run some errans alone today and he fell asleep on the couch while being upset about the idea. please i feel soooo trapped.

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I miss doing so many things I love. I miss my friends. I miss my t.v shows. I miss halloween costume shopping for the big parties. (I will not be aloud to go to a party this year because Kellen doesnt like parties and no way i will be able to go without him) I miss the freedom to be with who i want to be with when i want to be with them. I have told him all this many many times but it just turns into a huge melt down for both of us and nothing changes. He takes even normal comments personally let alone seriouse things like this. I am so helpless. I spent an hour last night bawling on my bathroom floor with the door locked so i could be alone.

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Also in addition to all that I feel like im always helping him but when i melt down over my own OCD problems he does not understand and usually tells me its no big deal and that im an all star and know better. but i cant always be his all star. I need help too

5 Comments
  1. Arizona_Grown 12 years ago
    I guess the problem is my empathy? I understand how he feels too well. So even though its really hurting me because i understand it seems impossible to just do whats best for me and leave him in the dust. plus i see so much potential if i could get him the right help. but i cant help him if he doesnt want it. you know?
     
    And at this point i have made a lot of promises… to not be like his other girlfriends because i understand. you know? =(
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  2. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    Things are going to be rough for you with  Kellen.  No relation lasts with both people thriving unless room is made for both from the git go.

    I don’t know how you want to handle this, you could do some truth telling with him or you could make the relationship contigent on his going back to therapy..In the long run this is a no go relationship, if you are sacrificing your needs at the alter of his ROCD.  Let’s face it, he’s behaving like a small child whos is afraid to let his mother out of sight..

    In my opinion, there needs to be some tough love in this and you need to start making room for yourself before it is too late.

    I need to add that when you blog and ask for feedback from the tribe, it becomes your responsibility to decide what feedback is useful and what feedback if not.  We are all cooming from our own stuff.  Good luck and best wishes because in my opinion, you are really in a tough situation.

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  3. Arizona_Grown 12 years ago

    Thank you all SO much for your help. Him and i had  a long long talk and i told him that i will go to therapy with him and i know it will be hard but we have to do it and he agreed. He is possitive that no medication and no therapy will really help him though because he is this way in every relationship and has tried everything they have said and as far as relationships go it never got better  Im hoping that a combo of all that and my understanding of the issues might be different. I dont want to give up on him. I want us to get through it! It is going to be a rough rough road though. I do know that ultimatly though I have to put myself first and that if worst comes to worst i have to leave him if it means that or hurting myself. I really appriciate you guys taking the time to help me out today. I need your support through this time. Therapy is so expensive and the therapists dont have OCD you know? This is crucial for me.

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  4. Arizona_Grown 12 years ago

    The thing about Kellen is that he knows that im feeling all this without me saying it. He has told me i would feel this way since day one and a lot of his depression comes from him wanting whats best for me… he cries and cries telling me he loves me so much and he cant make me happy because he cant fix the way he thinks and he cant let me be free even though he wants to and he hates more than i do how he has to know everyting im doing. Its so hard for me to see him that way. He feels so much guilt because he cant be "better" for me. I just cant ease his mind no matter what i say.

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  5. Arizona_Grown 12 years ago

    So its crazy Lily88. Now that i think about it I definitly can see my OCD getting worse. My night time sick feeling has gotten unbearable and now im getting the morning feeling he gets where i just cant get up. Im scared and hopeless feeling. Nothing sounds good. I am also noticing old compulsions coming back. =( Its 4 pm here and i just got up after a long stream of panic!

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