It's been a not so good day for me. I'm not sure why~ I just woke up feeling very sad, slow and unwilling to function much.But I had to get moving to get my son to school on time, so I forced myself (with ALL of my willpower) to be Mom, at least until I dropped him off at school. Afterwards I came home, drank my coffee, said goodnight to my husband when he came home from work, and little by little took care of the animals and minor chores (it took all day to do).I did take a nap in my son's room because I usually feel better and safe there, but nightmares awaited me in my sleep. I was half dozing when work called and asked if I would come in fora 3 hour shift, and suprising myself, I said okay.

I got Zach from the bus stop and then we proceeded to continue our Halloween decorating (since I wouldn't be home in time this evening to do it with him), and then went and fed our turtle friends in the pond like we try to do every day. Then it was time for me to get ready to go, so I went and put my face on and my uniform.

I've decided my problem is compounded when I'm alone. Since Mom is away, Zachary's at school and Aaron's asleep during the day I have no one to really talk with. And to be honest I'm not a phone person anyhow. It's days like today that I wish I had somewhere to go where I'm known and accepted for who I am, welcomed with open arms and smiles. I have no idea where I'd find that though.

My 3 hour shift felt more like 6 tonight, and I know it's the depression starting. Tomorrow I have a 7 hour shift and I'm wondering how I'll survive that without losing my mind or my cool.

I'm tired, so I'm going to go take a hot shower and climb into bed. Turns out my finger is okay, just really sore. Must be a bone bruise.

Sorry to be a downer tonight, but this is how I feel today. Maybe tomorrow will be a little bit better.

I wish for you all tranquility tonight, peaceful sleep, and to feel able to face the day easily in the morning.

with love always ~ Key


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