Sick to my stomach with emotion sickness. I am so anxious and uncomfortable. I hate drama I hate feelings I hate my burning rage that grows inside my soul. I'm lost and sick and have acouple ppl to talk to but really upset and talked and its still burning like a ember in my stomach from the fire of upset. I cant understand ppl or my own feelings. Is this anxiety? Is this my what ifs that I feel or is it something real. I worry everyday and I never know why or for what but its there no matter what meds I take or what I tell my friends but no one understands unless they live this horrible agony so called life that I live. Why is it when I have a good week that I fall deep into depression like the hands of hell reaching out for the sinful souls. Why am I here, what is my purpose what ifs are everywhere with everything we do. I am a lost soul and I dont know I pray maybe not as much as I need to, but its hard sometimes when you feel you are so alone and you pray and pray for this agony to go away but still it comes and comes cutting me down till I feel its my turn to cut myself and reilef this pain that I have burning this my veins. I havent cut or harmed myself now in acouple months but its on my mind constantly. I want a realese and I feel I have none. I tried my coping skills and they are worthless at this moment they have helped in the past but now I feel confused in a blur of what emotions am I actually feeling? Why am I like this?

  1. irvineguy 11 years ago

    Hi pixieflower, I feel what you\'re feeling. I don\'t know why we have these feelings but there are real. The body we occupy is amazing and is also scary at times; more so for some of us than others. And you are right about having a release because there has to be one, besides praying meds, and other.

    And what\'s up with the good feelings and then the crashes??? ugh… well hang in there please and keep moving forward.


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  2. ohumawkward 11 years ago

    I know exactly what you mean. I was a self-harmer for a long time, but I haven\'t done anything in a long time. Still, when I\'m upset I get those thoughts, and they\'re very scary.

    The best thing to do is find something that makes you feel better when your anxiety is getting bad. For a long time, I would take pens and notebooks, and make deep scratches in them. It was a similar way to work out my frustration like I had been doing.

    Now that I\'m a little calmer, I can try other things. Breathing exercises, yoga, drinking tea, going for a walk. The important thing is to do anything else besides hurt yourself. You don\'t deserve that. You just don\'t. You deserve better.

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