I feel so incredibly bored, purposeless, and unfulfilled with my life right now. I wish I knew what I wanted in life, what I could do for a living that I’d actually enjoy. Instead, every day at work I feel like life is just dragging by and worse still, I have nothing exciting to go home to.

Well, I got a dog this weekend, her name is Zoe, and she’s precious, a Snorkie (Schnauzer-Yorkie mix). But I can’t help but my miss my little Custer who’s back at home in Georgia more than I love her. I almost regret my decision to get her…but I will never abandon her because someone else did that already (I rescued her from a pound and she was severely matted, had to shave all her hair off). Though, last night it was great having her there to snuggle with as I watched movie after movie to kill the day. She’s a good little buddy. I wish I had human friends though. But maybe even then I’d still feel empty…because I went to a movie Friday night with this guy I hadn’t seen in a year (actually met him at the place I was hospitalized at a year and a half ago of all places and we hadn’t talked and then Thursday night he started talking to me on AIM so we hung out), then a girl’s engagement party Saturday, then dancing Saturday night…so I wasn’t completely alone this weekend. But no, I really think it’s that none of these people are deep connections, they’re all mere acquaintances at this point, and that’s why I feel so empty. You know if I ever got married in like the next 4-5 years as I hope, I honestly have no idea who I’d have be my bridesmaid. I don’t have any sisters and I think those people are supposed to be your best friends, not just some random girls. I want girl friends like that…at the same time, I’m so tired of trying to go deeper with people. I don’t really know what to say and it takes too much energy.

I just started seeing a highly recommended counselor last Thursday (actually recommended to me by Jan Dravecky, author of A Joy I’d Never Known). Hopefully she’ll help. But it's so incredibly expensive, I don't know if I can see her much.