I posted this morning about all my mixed up feelings.. I had far too many plans today & couldn't make a single decision without having a break down. I finished up my day & thought I'd see my boyfriend for a while tonight, he was out with his friends & I went to meet them… long story short, he was so drunk, I felt like a fool and he was being very angry and paranoid towards me, the night ended because he got angry and walk away from me leaving me in the pub by myself, I didn't know anyone & I'd done absolutely nothing wrong. Almost in tears I tried to find a taxi frantically calling my friends and feeling like an absolute disgrace – why have I let myself be involved with this mess of a guy!? Hours later and texts of realisation he's sobered up a bit and come to the conclusion he was wrong and he needs to stop drinking so much – I'm happy he's realised, he doesn't expect my forgiveness straight away which I appreciate, I'm still getting over it All this has lead me to wonder tho whether its possible to have an entirely over active brain, that's making everything I feel heightened? Is that possible? I know I have an anxiety disorder, but I also always find that I fall for people really quickly – I feel I'm in love when I know I shouldn't be feeling that way, I don't know whether the instinctive parts in my brain just work too quickly, hence why I get anxious and fearful so instantaneously…. its a mad theory I know, but its 5.10 in the morning and I'm debating this in my head so its best I write it out than keep it trapped in my mind. A mix bag of a day, but the real stress arrives when I get back to derby tomorrow (a chance at least to get some time away from the boy and assess my thoughts)… let the fun begin!

3 Comments
  1. jamesFake 8 years ago

    what matters is that everything became alright in the end:)

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  2. VividDreamer 8 years ago

    I wonder is that true :S. Never thought about that. I fall in love really easily too and I\'m rarely out of relationships.

    I hope that things work out for you and your boyfriend but if it a continuous cycle where he is like this a lot be careful. This might make your anxiety worse.

    I hope you will be okay 🙂

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  3. Bec20 8 years ago

    Thank you 🙂

    Yeah, he seemed to have realised his mistakes and its down to alcohol, he\'s promised it won\'t happen again and he\'s determined to make it up to me… So I shall wait an see what happens 🙂

    Hope you\'re both well and having a good day x

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