So today has probably been one of the worst days I have had in a very long time. Home is supposed to be the place that you are supposed to be able to relax and not have to worry about being stressed out or feeling like people are out to get you. However, for me, today, my home was the opposite of that today.

My husband is back in the hospital, he had meningitis 2 weeks ago and was in the hospital for about 10 days, it was extremely stressful on me and him both, he finally was discharged, he came home and was fine for one or two days, and then he started to get worse again, he finally went back to the hospital last night, he is leaking spinal fluid, and the meningitis is not completely gone. So, he needed another round of medication to try and treat the meningitis, and tomorrow he will have a procedure to plug where the spinal cord is leaking and hopefully he will come home and it everything will be okay. As anyone knows when someone loves on is in the hospital, or someone’s love one is sick people get stressed but apparently my family can’t take that into consideration at all or realize that am pretty much doing this all on my own. I just wish they would give me a fucking break but apparently that is too much to ask for these days.

Work has been stressful the past few weeks, I have taken on a few more administrative roles for my team, and I love it, its stuff I have always wanted to do, but it feels like my 10 hour day, or rather 11 hour day since I have not been taking my lunches just never seem to be long enough to get all the things done that I want to get done, I love that I am the one that my managers can count on, and I love that I am that I am the one that my team goes to when they need help, they are stuck on the case, or when they need someone to vent to. I love it, its what I love about my job. What I don’t love about my job is my tools not always working, or not having the tools I need, or having to answer people who think I am doing something that I shouldn’t be doing or not having enough time in the day, I am just trying to prove that I deserve the new TM promotion that is coming up. However, with as bad as it has been at work, lately, I would rather be at work then home, and that is really saying something.

So, to say I don’t always see eye-to-eye with my family is like an understatement, but lately it has been getting worse, maybe because they know no matter how bad they treat us we are stuck living here until February when the lease is up, but I really don’t know how much more I can take. I feel like its always John & me against everyone else. Its getting to the point where it doesn’t feel like I have a family anymore it feels like I have roommates. Its getting so bad lately. It’s worse when John is not there, it feels like that is when they use that time to attack me. I really don’t know how much more I can take. I do not know if I am going to want to stay here until February especially if things keep going this way.

I am always stuck in this house, its either work or home, home or work, today I actually had plans, I had plans to take my mother & father to the Alorica baseball game with John & Aiden, I told them about it weeks ago, but of course they forgot and made plans for something else, and then with John in the hospital, I of course couldn’t go to the game, so I was stuck in the house today, but they went out, it was whatever. My Dad, Scott & Tori go to the movies and they come home and Scott & Tori go out, and they don’t even let their fucking dog outside, their dog who does nothing but whine and get into shit and ruin Aiden’s toys all fucking day, so I put her out and she gets off her leash, not my fault, she is not my dog, but I put her out, and I help my mom make dinner.

During dinner my mom tells Scott & Tori that the fucking dog got off her fucking leash, and of course they walk away from dinner and look at the collar and apparently I hooked up the leash on the wrong hook and that’s how she broke free, and they go outside looking for this 19$ name tag, why you need to spend 19 for a fucking dog tag is beside me but apparently spending as much as I do on a package of diapers for a week is worth what you wrap around the fucking neck of the dog who drives everyone in the house mad. So, I am being told that I am going to have pay to replace the fucking dog tag, so at this point I am beyond pissed off, I can’t even eat dinner, because all I keep thinking in the back of my mind, is that if they could take care of their own dog then none of it would have happened, but that is my fault.

All week Scott & Tori have had their laptop up on the island, no one has said anything about anything, about it being there, today I have been working on making a photo book with pictures of Aiden and my laptop was dying so I put it up on the island and plug it in while we are eating dinner, after I am done feeding dinner, I take Aiden out of his high chair, and I go outside and look for the damn dog’s name tag, I walked the entire yard looking for this fucking dog tag, and of course, I can’t fid it, but I did almost step in lots of dog shit, it doesn’t look like they have picked up the dog shit in a week, and it was something that was suppose to be done everyday when we moved in here, seeing as we aren’t even suppose to have animals per the lease. I come inside from looking for the dog tag, and I see that my computer has been taken off the counter, and that the straw that broke the camels back.

I lost it, I grabbed my computer, tablet, and phone and threw then all on my bed, and slammed my door, I went out for a smoke, I vented to my dad, who seems to be the only one who has my back besides my husband in this damn house, then Aiden & I pick up his toys and I get him ready for bed. The only good thing about today, is that Aiden is starting to walk, and I mean really walk, on his own, I give it two, maybe three weeks and he is going to be running circles around the entire hours. Once I put Aiden to bed I came to my room and I have been in here ever since. Today really has been a horrible day, I am glad that it is over. I really need things to change and change soon because honestly, I am not sure how much more I can handle.