I took the time to download somemusic yesterday…It felt good to listen again…Music has always played a big part in my expression of moods, and I often used it as a release…I think that is ok for me to do again…it has been so long…I kept quite busy yesterday, putting my recovery first is somewhat complicated when I have to think about "ME" Many things feel selfish and when my mind runs with those I fear old habbits can emerge…Half the battle to me is recognizing them, the other half is just to leave them alone and not feed into the Disease and what it ultimately wants from me.  Returning to work is a issue at hand that I need to address, 2 years ago I made a career change after 20 plus years in the food service industry ( i percieved that was why I drank so I left it) I took a job as a maintenace worker for The Department of Parks and Recreation in NY State though a seasonal position one that I could work and be what I thought was content at, then I when I got layed off in Nov I was ok with it because I knew I would be called back to work in April just like the year before , as funny as it is my return to work date was April 8th (that was the same day I checked myself into rehab) So I ultimately lost my job with the State of NY .  Now I look at what is out there for potential employment and I am uncertain how I want to approach it, when I was not persueing my alcoholic lifestyle,  I was a workaholic, if not that then I would replace it with something else, sexaholic, jerkaholic, you name it, just a life of excesses.  So as I sit here I am trying to focus on what direction I should head in, though I have unemployment coming in it does not cut it, and since my wife and I are separated for now I/We both have financial obligations to the 4 children and the upkeep of the house that they live in.  I am done trading one addiction for another I want to approach this clear minded and with no hidden agenda.  I both want and need to work, keeping in mind that my recovery needs to remain a continued focus, not a cop out or an excuse to sit on my ass (which I am not doing).  Tomorrow will be three weeks that I have been out of rehab, maybe I just need to take a few more deep breaths…Thank you Everyone…

2 Comments
  1. lesameggan 12 years ago

    Hi, you seem to be doing all the right things and yes JUST BREATH.  Remember, you just need to do this one day at a time.  Good luck in your job hunting and may something come your way soon.  Take care.  Lesa

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  2. jefwheels 12 years ago

     Mike! You go man. You have been really reaching out and sharing and thats how this works. You are in my prayers and I’m really glad you joined.

     

    Johnny wheels 

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