…………………….That you're just a burden to your family and friends to be around? I've had that feeling all week. I'm a negative person. I always find the bad side of a situation and obsess about it. I also conduct myself in a manner that inconviences my family; such as taking 45min showers trying to get clean "enough", doing things over and over and needing a specific mumber of things. Like for example – yesterday I did laundry with my mom. Usually I go alone BECAUSE its such a process for me, but my mom wanted to go with me and she had some stuff to wash too. So we get there and first off I made us wait in the car for an hour because "there were too many people inside". I'm very nervous around a crowd of people in a small room like a laundromat. So after that then I needed to wash my clothes twice – because I feel they get cleaner, and two is an even number. And then to top it all off, I had to use the washers and dryers I always use – washers 8, 16 & 24 and dryers 220, 228. I ALWAYS use them and will wait for them to be free because I guess I don't "trust" the other machines. Anyways, as you can imagine my mom was ready to leave me there and drive away really fast, and I was on edge because I knew it was bothering her but I HAD to do it. I always do it that way!

So it got me to thinking. How much better their life will be once I go away to school. No more weird stuff for them to deal with, no more buying soap every week because I use it all, no more waiting for the shower. I think about it, and I wouldn't want to live with me either. I just make everyones life miserable and uneccesarily stressful. I know it bothers my family, the stuff that I do. My mom makes an annoyed face, but keeps it inside. My brother and dad however make their feelings about my OCD perfectly clear. "OH COME ON! WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO COUNT THE GODDAMN CHAIRS IN THE ROOM!!" "YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN ENOUGH GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM" and I know theyre right. Just because my life is hell doesn't mean I should make theirs one too.