WOW, I swear, I seem to be in some kind of germ vortex. I find myself laughing when I come into contact with something that I feel is contaminated, which is very weird because it is in no way funny. I needed to go to the store to get a carton of smokes and some hand sanitizer to use at work because I ran out Friday, I also needed to get some gloves to keep in my car, (I use the vinyl gloves to pump gas so I don't have to touch the the gas pump handle) I also needed to get a few pair of the cheap work gloves I use at work, that I can throw away when they get contaminated. I get all these things at the dollars store, Except the smokes. So, I go to the darn store grab the vinyl gloves and walk by the Vienna sausages, which I like to get as a treat for my dog. I for some reason never can take the item in the front I aways have to grab one a few rows back, so I reach back and grab one bring it out and it is all dusty (not really a big deal but I figure I might as well grab one that looks a little cleaner, so I reach back in again and grab one from the back and pull it out and what do you think I see…….a very gross can that is covered in dried up brown stuff, and I am now holding it in my hand. I started to laugh. Now I really did not think it was funny so I am not sure why I laughed, I do know that I laugh a lot because it feels like I just can not win. I mean there were several in the bin right in front I could have grabbed, but no I had to get one in the back, and because of that I am now in that, oh damn what do I do now mode, but laughing at the same time. So, I throw it and the gloves I had back in the bin and head to the hand sanitizer. There I look around like a thief to make sure no one is watching and I start using the product off the shelf, ( And yes I am laughing while I do this) I wash or sanitize my hands three time, but of course this is not enough to feel clean, it never is, so I don't even know why I do it, I guess it helps a little. Anyway, after I use their sanitizer I have to have one for work tomorrow, I just have too. But I am still contaminated so I can't buy the gloves, I mean why buy them and contaminant them right away right. So, as I think about this I am still laughing to my self thinking of how messed up this is. I can not even purchase the things I need to preform my compulsions because my obsession step in and now I am standing there thinking of all the things I will have to clean just because I touch a stupid can with brown stuff dried on it. You all know the deal everything from my keys to my car door everything I touched in my car, everything I touch to get in to the house. Then I have to decide can I stop and buy smokes, if I don't I won't have any tomorrow, I can't go with out smokes. I start laughing to my self again, go *&^% what to do, what to do, well I buy them figuring I will some how get them out of the carton with out contaminating the packs within. WOW, now they sit there on the counter while I figure how to do it. Just like so many other things in my house right now, all kinds of stuff is just sitting there waiting for me to figure out how am I going to uncontaminate them. It s not funny but I do laugh because there really are very, very few places I can sit anything down that is not already contaminated. I sanitized my hands at the store three times before I left there got home and washed with hand soap six times plus sprayed alcohol on my hands twice and I still fell like I am contaminating this key board and mouse…lol I think I laugh because I know how unreal these feelings are, I am a intelligent person, sometime I can not spell worth beans but I have always been very logical and this just is not logical, so I laugh even though my heart is pounding and my stomach is turning.
Now I have hand sanitizer sitting on my passenger seat I can not touch without getting contaminated….you got to admit that's kinda funny a sad kind of funny but still funny,
Thanks for listening, it does help to vent to people who understand. I would like to thank all who have contacted me with their support and or concern I can't always get back to everyone but I do try.