My OCD was always characterized by the need for simplicity, organization, and rituals.  However, in the past six months or so, I have had these obssessive thoughts about my children or my family members being hurt.  Crazy thoughts when I see certain things that I think could be dangerous… 

My father-in-law has a balcony upstairs and I don't let my 8 year old son go near it because in my mind, I vividly see him falling to his death.  Like when I see him hit the ground my stomach feels sick.  I get nervous when my 2 year old eats certain things because I can see him choking to death.  Its miserable to have thoughts like these throughout the day.  I know that they are irrational.  I know the chances of my sons falling or choking are ridiculous.  I just can't stop it. 

My family did experience something over the Easter holiday that was very real.  Our 8 year old son had a 4 wheeler accident.  He spent a night in ICU and two days in the hospital.  He shouldn't have walked out of that hospital as quickly as he did with such minor injuries.  He drove his 4 wheeler into a 10 foot deep cement manhole.  I have questioned religion in the past, but this was our miracle.  His 4 wheeler fell 10 feet and landed on all four wheels.  He hit his head on the cement wall in front of him, hit the handle bars with his abdomen, and fell onto the spikes of the foot peddle resulting in a large hole outside of his knee.

Following many tests in the Emergency Room, the diagnosis was a bruised liver, 23 stitches on the knee, and plenty of scrapes and bruises…  But that's all.  We are so lucky he will be okay.  In this particular instance, my son actually could've died.  The ten foot fall, alone, should have caused major injuries.  Throwing a 4 wheeler into the mix only increases the number of injuries he could've had.  The strangest thing of all is that once the 4 wheeler was winched out of the man hole it cranked right up and there is no damage.

As if this was not traumatic enough for someone with OCD, two days later my 2 year old swallowed a quarter and began choking.  I had to perform the heimlich and swipe the quarter out of his throat.  I don't know if I am being tested or what, but I am utterly drained, looking forward to my next counseling session…

1 Comment
  1. buffster 15 years ago

    hi hun..well not much of a "God" person either *although I do have the respect to capitalize it lmao* but do believe in karma & a specific undeniable order to the universe..and it sounds as if u've dodge a few bullets there already in the last month..and even though u may know this already fear of someone getting hurt OCD is a very common type so feel the power in numbers 'k..btw respect the advanced degree u have darlin'..education helps u developed a more balanced view of the world & the funny lil' creatures within..be strong hun..

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