I'll just fill everyone in on the situation im in..
I was with Will who i am still deeply in love with. We were together for about a year and a half.. I know its not that long but i was so in love with him and still am. I started at college so i wasnt seeing him very often.. Things got extremely difficult.. I was hardly seeing him and every time i did we argued.. He worried and i worried.. we both could not sleep.. The only time he could sleep was next to me.. because i was there and he felt safe with me. I thought we werent in love anymore.. we became more and more distant.. and i started falling for someone else.. Jamie.. someone i could talk to and someone who looked after me and told me everything was okay. I started meeting him more because he made me feel safe.. we grew closer as Will and I grew apart.. And then he kissed me.. and Will found out.. He was absolutely destroyed.. He tried to kill himself. I had to rush to his house to make sure he was okay.. Blood was everywhere.. The smell.. was horrific.. But anyway after that day I realised i should have tried so much harder with Will… But now I am with Jamie.. And he does make me happy.. He makes me feel okay.. keeps my mind off things. And i do love him. Hes just not Will.. So a couple of weeks ago i got in touch with Will to apologise.. and he replied.. we've been talking since then.. I found out he is moving to australia soon.. we met up and everything that i mentioned in my last blog happened.. so now im such an awful person for cheating on Jamie as well. I hate myself. Completely.
So I cant be with Will because I am with someone else who I love and care deeply about.. I dont know if Will would ever trust me again.. And he is moving to the other side of the world.. I doubt his family would accept me..
But i really do love jamie a lot. Everything is so confusing. Why cant I just be normal and love and be loved by one person.