so when i have my thought sprial the end result is everyone hates you, you are homeless living like a troll mixed with a house elf under a bridge, and you have head lice.
now my friends well they have no interest in my life or what i have to say and if they do then they disagree with my choices.
i was going to move out with my roommate, however, she started to act weird and i couldn’t get an answer out of her. so i had to renew my contract at a place i dont really like and feel unsafe in.
i also went to my brothers i saw history repeat in away, and the kids had head lice. they kept touching me with their heads even after i asked them over and over again not to touch me with their head. i end up spending $200 on hear treatment i found one in my hair and all i want to do is shave off all my hair that i have spent years growing. because having no hair would be better than having head lice. i know this is crazy but the first thing i thought was shaved your head put all clothes/bed/bedding and anything i could touch and set it on fire. i know its irrational but OCD is not rational. this is fucked up all i have done for the past week is think sole about this. i have treated and treated over and over i have had a constant head ack from all the pulling of my head and the constant rotating on the area so that you feel things that arnt there simply because of you imagen there is something there. the parenoyer is overwhelming.
if i wasn’t for how others would view me (socially rejected leads to homelessness leads to headlice) i would have shaved my head a week ago, i have an appointment in about 13 days with someone but i don’t know how this will last that long, the last 7 days have been hell. so now im in the position where my brother who want to see me more and for me to see his children and that i want to see them they are people i truly love but i have this thing a thing my brother doesn’t understand nor choices to accept that i have. i know to most people while headlice is a bit of a problem let me ensure you for me this is more then a bit of a problem i have spent years with ocd and this is a very predominate thought.
and as i am going through this turtles all the way down has just come out and while im not like a to z as im not drinking hand sanitizer, i know my thoughts are not rational i have put a lot of chemicals all over my head that most likely absorbed by my body. i have ripped clumps of my hair out of my head to get a com though it. i have had little sleep which means ive missed some meds.