Hey there, DG.

You know…I understand where you are at, even though I've never given up my faith. Lots of stuff gets thrown at us in life…and the people who are mean and awful…well, you don't know what sort of private hell they have in their heads when they close the doors and go to bed. God isn't responsible for a weakness in your heart. You know, my one parent has gone through three cancers and an auto-immune disease that's killing her liver and kidneys…and she'll need a transplant…and I've always said…it should be my -Dad-, because he drank, so it should be his liver. Then I look at what -we- have. Each other and the dog. My Dad is all alone. He isn't loved or happy and when he dies…nobody is going to miss him. My Gran was dying of cancer when I was a little girl…and my other Gran asked her if she ever wondered why -her-? And my Gran said…no, she never wondered…because she'd rather it be -her- than one of her children or grandchildren. And when she went for radiation, she met a three year old boy with cancer…and she bought him a giant stuffed animal because…I guess she felt he was worse off than she was because she had a full life. I don't think God is responsible for this stuff. I don't think God picks good people and decides to play ant farm. Bad people have stuff happen to them, too. And some bad people just haven't had things catch up to them yet. Things happen. You might as well blame the environment…or the government for being lax in standards for manufacturing that allows all sorts of chemicals into everything. God, though? At the end of the day…He's there. He's listening. And while he doesn't always answer prayers the way we want Him to…there's kind of a comfort knowing He's out there, no? When my dog, Teddy, died on April 2nd…I tried to kill myself. Twice. I didn't succeed. And two weeks later I brought home a dog of the same breed…but he makes me believe in God. It sounds silly, but…Teddy had a multi-colored mouth. So does Max. My dog before Teddy, Noodle, had a little white spot on his chest. Now…those are allowable by breed standard if they're no more than a couple inches wide. Max has the tiniest white spot on his chest…growing right where his heart is. And the breeder assured me it would grow out. That his sire had been born with one and it had no roots. Well, Max got his hair cut…and it's got roots. It's like God and my former dogs specifically brought me Max to show me they were there. Life is full of tiny miracles, DG. It's sometimes hard to see them, but they're there. You ever see the movie Signs? It's easily one of the worst films ever made, but there's a quotation from it that absolutely says it all. Graham says, "See, what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question this way…is it possible that there are no coincidences?" Everything in the film adds up to a case for faith. And I've got another quote for you…by Robert Browning. "You call for faith, I show you doubt to prove that faith exists. The more of doubt, the stronger faith, I say, if faith o'ercomes doubt." Keep your faith. It makes you strong…even if you don't always feel like it.