So I'm sitting here on the couch, feeling more lonelier than ever. You want to know why this is so bad. My mother is sitting in the same living room. Along with her boyfriend. That's the worst type of feeling alone. The alone feeling that you get when people are actually around you. My mother is being a meany to me today for no reason. Well, she said it's because I did a poor job on the dishes last night but, honestly, who is she trying to fool? I'm not that stupid. I think it's because of this morning. It's my mother's late day so that means she leaves late for work and comes home late. Well, I was standing out waiting for the bus, right? So me and my boyfriend were talking and I started chasing him because he was being a dork. Well, when we were really close, my mother passed in her car. I didn't realize this until my friend said that my mother had just passed. I look where they were pointed and sure enough I saw my mother sitting there for a while. Right i started looking she speed off. So I'm about 95 percent positive that she saw us… Which is bad. For those of you who don't know, my mother forbid me and my boyfriend from going out. We are not suppose to be near each other or talking to each other, especially not suppose to be dating.
So far she hasn't said anything to me but like I said she's being a B*tch to me. Just me of course. She's all lovey dovey with her boyfriend. I just wish she knew how I felt on the whole situation. But she doesn't know and even if I told her, she still wouldn't know. Mothers are always like 'oh I've been there and I've done that. I know what you are going through.' But the thing is THEY DON'T KNOW! No matter how much they want to know, THEY DON'T. Sure they've been through the same situations but not the EXACT SAME situations. To be in the same situation truly you'd have to live your kids WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE. Because you don't know how they will react to a situation or what they are thinking. You obviously did not live the exact same situation so stop trying to pretend that you know what they are going through. BECAUSE YOU DON'T. They and THEY ONLY know what they are going through. But in my moms case it doesn't matter what I'm thinking or what I'm feeling because I'm the kid and she's the parent. She says that all the time and I swear I just want to punch her in the face every time she does say that. I GET IT! YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY IT A MILLION FREAKIN TIMES! What she doesn't see is that I am pretty smart for my age. I mean, I'm a kid, I'm still going to make mistakes and be stupid but I have the right to. I get good grades. Other than this past year or two I've been a really good and respectful kids. So sue me that I feel like rebeling. So sue me that I feel trapped and want to lash out at some. So sue me that I have depression and don't want to be disturbed sometimes. GET OVER IT! I just wish I could tell my mom my feeling on everything but if she's not going to truely listen than what's the point?
*Sigh* Thanks for listening to my venting. I feel a little better I guess. I still want to cut myself. I still want to cry. Although the feel isn't a strong. I have homework that I should be doing but I'm not going to be doing it until they go to bed. Which will be soon. Wish me luck on not cutting myself while they are asleep.
Man I'm tired.