I've had this major crush on this guy I used to work with for 5 going on 6 years. He knows how I feel after about 4 months after I told a friend at work. She ended up dating him, but it only lasted 3 months. Of course she went back on wanting to break it off with him before they ended it. They fought like most couples do, calling him a liar, etc. This guy has 2 girls and I have no children of course, but that didn't stop my feelings. I thought it was lust at first, but it grew into a major crush. We got along great before this then we lost our 'factory' jobs due to the downward economy. We took our 1st option which was going back to school and the work would pay our tuition. About 1 1/2 semesters before we graduated, I added him on facebook. We only ended up talking for about 3 weeks before I was the brunt of everything bad. I confessed I liked him and I was shy. I told him I don't think positivley of myself since I have depression. I guess that scared him away. I knew that it wouldn't last long, but I felt happy talking to him. He tries to remain positive even though more then half the time he's not. I tried to move on but it still I find myself falling for him. I can't even look at him now. I thought everthing was my fault because I don't like to lie. I felt hopless because this is my longest love. I've tried to keep myself busy, but that didn't work either. Now I'm back to sleeping long hours because I feel worthless. It's not just him now. Due to my part time job. I'm not able to keep up with things in my apartment. I need a new couch, bed and washer all at the same time. I can't afford a car otherwise my job options would expand. I completed my two year degree and wanted to attend a campus since I don't trust a lot of online schools, much less guess how I can afford it. I want to get my masters in the Art field, but I'm struggleing. I've had to go on food stamps for the first time in my life. My mom helped and my sister help support me for a bit. I'm really going crazy since there is next to no jobs here in my town that isn't in nursing. That's one field I can't do since my father was in hospice care in the end of 2010. He passed away from Lung, liver and Colon cancer. On top of that I had a big family argument due to the fact I was in college then, on a work trade program. I was told to drop out in my last full semester of college, but I couldn't. The program didn't allow that. They thought since I couldn't drive that I didn't care about my father. I couldn't even get a ride from my dad's side of the family to see him. They constantly change numbers so I didn't have his. I didn't even have my sibling's numbers. All this made me want to pull my hair out. I was working with my father on geneology before he was diagnosed as terminally ill. I had surgery two weeks prior to the diagnoses. It's like the whole world closing in on me, even when I speak the truth. I have a temper, but it doesn't come out unless someone presses my buttons to the point I yell. I've tried ignoring it, but that gets the best of me sometimes. I never hurt anyone when I get mad physcially. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I can't even afford a therapist. I have no insurence, no money and the closest one is in another town. 2010 wasn't the best year, beginning and end.
mournindove12, , Depression, Career, Child, Depression, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Social Anxiety, Therapist, 0