I wish my parents would walk through that door and tell me everything is okay. It's just not going to happen they walk though the door and if they find me they bash me. I wish I didn't have to hide away from the world and have freedom. But I do have to hide and my parents keep me locked away so I can't say anything to anyone. I wish I could eat wonderful food. But I'm too partinoid to eat the very little food I get. I wish I didn't have anything to worry about. But I have to worry or my parents find me. My life has gone from being my wish to a nightmare. Sigh. I wish someone would take me away from here. I want someone to love me. I'm too scared of what is going to happen to me if I get help. My favourite teacher who I normally tell everything to asked me why I was so frightened and tense today. I freaked and ran. I'm so scared of her now. The person I trust the most. My life is ruined. When I try to fix it I make things worse. I'm feeling extremely feint and sick. I havent eaten in ages. I think it's 5 days now. I had a drink of water earlier. It made me throw up. So I threw up water. It wasn't fun I passed out and hit my head really hard on the bathroom tiles. I woke up in bed?!? Thats the thing that's scaring me the most. How I got there. But most of all why I was there. I really hope that my step dad didn't try anything. I dunno if he would do that to my mum but if I end up pregnant im so screwed. I terrified. Absollutly terrified. I want someone to come and tell me everything will be alright and hug me. I'm rapped up in blankets cuddled in a ball writing this on my iPod touch. Crying again. Always crying. Never stops at home. At school I'm down and my teachers are noticing but not crying. I feel safe there. Maybe my wardrobe and drawers will keep my parents away and I can sleep for one night. Just one night is all I need. For now anyway. Sigh I'm not just gonna give up. Never. Even tho suicide is tempting NEVER! suicide can get screwed. I'm staying right where I am. Occasionally cutting all up my arm but no suicide.

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