So this is my 3rd blog & I'm feeling rather welcome here on DT, so thanx to everyone that took/takes the time to review my blogs. I'm feeling somewhat better than yesterday in terms of emotional distress, but I can't shake the feeling of being pathetic & worthless… I try help others, but can't help myself… Does that make me something of a hypocrite? Anyway, I can't help but feel like a screw-up… I have no matric, no permanent job, my whole daughter issue, a haunting past (which I can't help but feel I'm being punished for in some way), no solid income, blah blah blah… Sigh… Why should I even have to worry about any of the above? Besides my daughter ofcourse. I/we have to live a deprived life all because of some asshole in whatever BC that wanted things his/her way… Take wars for example. So much death & trauma… And for what? Because 2 or more "leaders" (who 75% of the population never had an opinion ordescision in) want things to be their way… It's beyond me… I've been told countless times that I'm negative. But I disagree. I see myself as realistic. No sense in holding onto a broken dream or false hope. No point in lying to myself in an attempt to make myself feel better… Optimism often gets mistaken for unrealistic/false hope. There's a difference between giving up & knowing when you've had enough… Atleast that's what I think. My mind is an odd & unconventional place. It's both a blessing & a curse. No matter what I could ever do, the fact is, I have to lay my dreams to rest… Most of them anyway… They're way too far outta the ballpark for my layout in life. And why should this have to be the outcome? I don't understand how most of the world can live with itself on a day to day basis, taunting people with false hope & then capatalizing off them in order for them to achieve their own dreams… It's unfair & cruel. Knowing that waking up tomorrow, I can't achieve all I wish, because of others desires taking priority over mine/othersis very very disheartening… Why can't we all just share the cookies?Anyways, I wanna try keep this blog as short & as positive as possible for a change… I'm rather fluey & achey all of a sudden… Donno if the depression lowered my immune system or something… Ialways feel exceptionally crap, physically,after an episode… Thanx to anyone that took the time to read my blog. Peace.