Sigh… Another day I'm really not looking forward to… I have no drive whatsoever anymore. I hate falling asleep knowing that I'm gonna wake up again… Same shit, different day… Why should I even bother getting up? I don't look forward to anythinganymore… There's no reason for me to put any effort into anything… It always ends the same… I'm so sick & tired of this miserable life… I didn't ask or want to be a part of this forsaken world… Sigh… I'm losing my mind& my soul to this leech of a life… What's the point or purpose of anything? Does my ethics even mean anything anymore? All I ever did was care. Itried. My manners & decency isn't worth anything anymore… No-one could seem to give a damn about anything anymore… I refuse to be a functioning member of this broken society. I don't care if I have to suffer until the day I die. I won't let this world dictate the end product of myself. But it's VERY disheartening… All I do is get walked over, undermined & taken for granted… So why should I bother anymore? No-one cares… Sigh… I don't have passion for much anymore. I don't feel like doing anything… I donno anymore… This life is becoming an unbearable burden & I'm really getting pushed over the edge… I mean, what's the point? If someone is "successful" in life & has a fancy car, a high paid job, a big house, a family, whatever… At the end of the day they're just doing what makes them happy. So if I find enough satisfaction sitting in my dark bedroom all my life, then why not? The end result remains the same. We're both gonna rot in the ground anyways, so as far as the bigger picture goes, they didn't achieve any more than me… I always comforted myself by saying at the end of the day, everything will be alright. If I live by my morales, I'll be rewarded in the afterlife(if there is one). If not, I'll be dead & nothing will matter anymore anyway… But lately I'm failing to see the point of anything… I donno what to do anymore…

1 Comment
  1. crysalot09 7 years ago

    you are a good and a thoughtful person and you have a right to be here. Despair and feeling no control suck. I feel similiar to you in that I don't like being stuck here in this unkind culture too. Want to run away but where to?  Can't even think of where to run to, especially with no stupid money.  I like to listen to sad/blues music, sometimes helps to,,, validate my feelings or something. IM 52, I like old rockin' tunes: Eric Clapton and JJ Cale put out a disc some time ago, has a song with lyrics say "nothin really moves me anymore.,.,., 40 years of fridays, you'd feel this way too…" not cheerful of course but I don't care. Music and books have kept me here, I know the smallest things can help to hack it thru another day. I like your thing about the soap, so apt. (slippery soap/ slippery sloap   haha)   xoxo to you 

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