Ok, so finally I have found a groove where everything in my life has seem to be at a constant, but it is very full of life. I couldn't have described my mood any better. It seems as though I always write blogs when I am feeling down, but felt like I should write one when I'm feeling good as well to show myself and others that there is hope in the world to find a special ray of sunshine. To find that ray of light at the end of the tunnel is actually possible, and this coming from the world's biggest pessimist!! For someone who never believed in happy endings, for someone who thought the world was nothing but a dark and evil untrusting place where a life itself was a living hell to believe that miracles happen and good things are possible… that says something.
Although I seem to have found a surprisingly large number of new friends to go out and have fun with considering what happened with my former so-called back-stabbing friend, I feel very happy to know that there are people who are willing to invite me to outings with their other friends that i Know because somehow I have come out of my shell to meet new people everywhere I go. I seem to be very friendly somehow and I don't know where it came from. It's like the angel that is funny, outgoing and friendly killed the cold-hearted assassin within me.
The only thing that weighs heavy in my heart is this somewhat infatuation, admiration, "falling in love" phase I have for the one person I have talked about in previous postings. Although from time to time I tell myself, "Why should I waste my time pining for someone who probably doesn't spend on second of their time on me??" But I don't know if that is a valid statement, because last night, I went to the Dollar Night Thursday game, and although he was having a bad game I noticed him looking from the dugout. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I find it a coincidence that everytime I would look at him he would be looking in my direction as well and upon making eye contact quickly look away. Then when I met up with a couple of friends after sitting by myself for a while, I noticed he would look upset. At one point, a guy friend was leaving and was giving me a big hug because I hadn't seen him in a while. Well, when he saw this while running in from outfield I noticed he looked at me, shook his head and started mumbling something under his breath. I don't know what to make of this, but it just made me wonder if he really feels something for me or not because why would it upset him that I was hugging a male friend, you know? Which only worsens the situation because now I'm going to sit here all day wondering if he feels something for me when before I was just accepting the fact that he probably didn't even think twice about me. I have no idea why, byt I really like him a lot. I really feel like there's a connection. But don't a lot of people?? At one point i even found myself saying I was fallin in love with him (which was so ironic because as soon as the thought finished completion he hit a base hit).
But other than THAT, my life has been going pretty great and in the Fall Semester I'll be training to DJ at the university radio station and I'm pretty stoked about that because I have always wanted to be a radio personality and now I would sorta be doing the same thing! lol Hope everyone is doing great and if anyone needs anybody to talk to I'm here!! lol