He left this morning – in a right old mood with me because I wasn’t going to his other daughters sports day (that was cancelled because of the rain anyway!) I decided to text him and confront him about all the girls on youtube, then earlier today I went back on you tube to show Livvie "The Elephant Song" (if you have young kids, search for it, its a great song!) and saw that he had a new message so I looked at it as it was from someone called "texasgirly1979" and it was a message thanking him for the friend invite and with kisses (xxx) and a heart ( <3 ) at the end.
Anyway, he showed up back at mine at about lunch time, had to let him back in as it was pissing it down. But as soon as he walked through the door he started arguing about the texts I’d sent him and he started demanding to see my facebook. And I’m the first to admit that my facebook is littered with friends of friends of friends that I don’t know very well personally. But my point was that at least they weren’t just random people I’d be esencially chatting up. He started shouting at me (nothing new there) and then had a go at me for shouting at him infront of Livvie when he’d just done the same.
He’s really pushed it too far. He’s refusing to leave my house, sat up in my bedroom, on my bed as I type this. I feel really bad for Livvie. I was so angry with him, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I truly hate him. He’s ruined my life so far. He’s ruining our daughters life. I’m not going to fund his drug habbit anymore. She needs new shoes, its going to take me 3 weeks to save up for them. He’s never bought her anything of any real use. Why can’t he be a good dad for once and actually support his kids, both financially and emotionally. He seems to think buying them a few toys at xmas is all he needs to do to be a good dad.
And to top it off. When he was slamming doors earlier he managed to break the foot print made from clay that me and Livvie made at a baby group when she was about 12 months old – it was one of the first groups I was able to go to alone, and that foot cast of Livvies gave me good memories every time I looked at it and now its broken in two. All I’ll remember from looking at it now is that argument. It really saddens me. I don’t remember much from Livvie being little (the good, happy memories anyway – my mind is a wash with all the crap he put us through, the way he made me feel, how much I hated myself) That foot cast held so much sentimental value to me.. Yet he still doesn’t care.
He’s up there now. Probably planning which woman he’ll go to next, to get a free ride off of. Until she susses him out and kicks him out on his arse. They’re welcome to him. I’m done. I would rather die than have to spend the rest of my life like this, with him. Never knowing what lies he’s told in the past will come out. Or what debts will catch upto him and I’ll end up paying them off.. I want my daughter to have a good male role model – she certainly wont get that from her dad – so she’s probably better off without one all together. At least that way she wont grow up to think its acceptable for a man to treat you like crap, walk all over you, basicallly steal from you, and then make you feel like your in the wrong when you fnally get the courage to stand up to them and tell them were to go.. Thats the message she’ll be getting from seeing him scrounging off me (its been over a year now that he’s been living here, rent and bill free.) I want better for her.