I deleted my first blog… what a fucking surprise.    -_-

I don’t know how to explain what i’m feeling, I’ve never been good at expressing myself.                            Lord its such a struggle. I don’t even know how to start. What do I start of saying?

I’m not sure how many of you do this blog thing so I’m just going to try by writing a little bit of how I feel daily. Maybe I can talk about some of the struggles I’ve been through. Right now I don’t feel up to it. I’m trying to have a good day and if I start right now I will take this already shitty day and make it worse.

I get really emotional talking about how I feel. I start to cry and I don’t need my mum to see me in tears right now. Talking to her about this has become an exhausting pattern. It goes well the first couple of days and then after a week the crying begins again, the ‘sleeping for long hours so I don’t have to face reality’ phase starts up and the constant voices telling me to end my fucking life just get louder and louder.

Aaaaand just like that we are back to the start.

Plus im sure she’s sick of seeing me cry, I’m sick of crying. Typical of me to get too emotional, unable to handle the reality that I see no future and I’ve completely given up on life.

Wow I didn’t want to ramble on about stupid things but I didn’t it anyway. Congrats you fucked up your first blog again.

(I just tried to post this and realised I needed at least 300 words.. fuck me.)

writing gibberish to try and fill up the word count.