Hey guys (and gals) Sorry I didn't post earlier like I had planned on doing, But my first night home (Monday) Just totally wiped me out, and I'm still so fatigue right now it's not even funny.

Anyway, So Monday, I got released later in the day, around 6pm, I had to wait because they were getting all the follow-up appointments, medicines/prescriptions, and what not arranged.

As you can imagine, Being there for two-months you know alot of people by then, So I also had to say bye to all the doctors I've had, and nurses plus Teresa from childlife and what not (You can also picture the huge panic attack I had to hide dealing with so many people at once.)

They were 'happy' I was able to go home, But I think that they just don't want to deal with me any longer, Teresa even gave me her e-mail so we can 'stay in contact' but I doubt she really does, I'm just another patient afterall, Right?

Anyway, So in the middle of all of this my Aunt Carol (one of my dad's sisters) came to the hospital to visit, (She's going on a cruise, so she wanted to come visit, see how I was doing. But since it was the day I was leaving mom didn't want her to come, so dad told her it would be a hectic time, Yet when dad and my brother came to the hospital they ran into her, Jonathan had to run into our room to give us a heads up, Mom was SO not happy.)

Anyway, So she just kept talking and talking, and My anxiety was already at a high, and to me 'family' members don't make me feel comfortable, they make me feel the exact opposite, because she's so 'perfect' and 'rich' and owns a music academy and all this shit, she even gave me a CD her and her husband (Uncle Mark) made and whatever.

So, after two hours she left, and was going to see another family member, Since she was waiting for Mark to arrive in Orlando later that night and they'd be heading to their cruise. So, When she did leave mom blew and her and dad starting fighting, even though it wasn't dad's fault, Carol just does her own thing, You know?

Mom was also upset because she kept talking about her 'trip', and we aren't that fortunate when it comes to money you know? They have to worry about were our meal is going to come from sometimes (even though I don't eat it cus of my ED, I leave it in the fridge so one of them can have it, so they can eat)

Now, We aren't poor but, With dad out of work and mom being a teacher she only gets one summer check for the summer, so we can't exactly have amazing trips, but we do have annual passes to Universal..

Sorry, I'm babbling, but you get my point. Then, it took like two carts to pack up everything we had, it was like we had moved into the damned hospital room y'know? when we finally did get into the car to go home it felt, SO weird…

I was used to the hospital sort of life, One kid that had been there two weeks even asked if I was a cancer patient or something, Since I had been there for so long. I didn't even answer him though.

So, I waited in the car since mom and dad went into the store to drop off my prescriptions and get some groceries and whatever. then we finally got home, the sun was already starting to set, I almost fell over because as soon as I walked in Spicegirl and Snowball tackled me (I have to use a walking Cane right now because of the surgery and I'm so week, plus physical therapy. )

But I was happy to see them, They still haven't left my side, and like whenever I go tot he bathroom they whine because I shut the door and it' s like they think i'm gonna disappear.

LLater on, mom and dad got into ANOTHER, fight, it got VERY loud and just…ugh…I just locked myself in my room with my dogs and shut myself away like i've missed doing for SO long.

I couldn't sleep AT all that night, like it was worse then normal, I was so restless and felt like I was gonna hurl and kept running to the bathroom all night, I even got a fever and just felt worse then shit.

And it was so unusual to be in my room, in my bed instead of nurses coming in every five minutes, or being bothered early in the morning by doctors and having to pee in a fucking hat so they could measure it.

So…That was my first night.

Then tuesday, It was like mom and dad never fought, I didn't even ask if they talked it out or whatever, I didn't want to get involved. It's such an old cycle. Dad was depressed though because he didn't get the job he wanted, But he has another interview for another job Thursday.

Again, I was in bad shape, I still had a high fever and just couldn't rest at all, I stayed in my bed most of the day, expect when I had to take my medicine. But one medicine, For my Mastocytic Colitis (It's some rare form to, So it was hard to see in the first place) I had taken the medicine in the hospital obviously, and it was fine.

I take it now, and it keeps burning my mouth and throat, and I don't know why because I'm doing what they did in the hospital. but whatever, I'm also still on oral morphine now, and Oxycontin for break though, to tell the truth I took more then I was suppose to last night just so I didn't have to deal with reality or my problems.

I'm a coward.

So yeah, That's how Monday and Tuesday went. today much hasn't happened, New Manga chapters came out so I read that, I still have a fever and having other problems, And now that i'm able to be alone and not in the hospital, I've been making up for the cutting I couldn't do in the hospital.

I tried to resist, But I just can't right now. Anyway, so I've just been in my room trying to rest with no luck though, I weighed myself also, I lost another 20 pounds, Again no one notices this though, part of my fatigue is probably from my ED'S but also from my surgery as well.

I guess that's it for now, Sorry I kept rambling in this post, and that I didn't post a picture i'm just to wiped to finish the drawing i'm working on right now, But I will seriously try to post it in my next blog entry…

Hope everyone else is doing alright…Talk to you later.