I never got why I do this, but it just happens. Am I very sensitive? Or something else is happening in the background to make me react this way. I don’t seem to act like other “normal” people in the world; and this is making me wonder if I’m actually “normal”.
I overreact for just about everything, like when my laptop doesn’t turn on, or when something doesn’t go to plan. I can think of examples of this peculiar phenomenon since I was in grade 2. When my class was doing some brown paper bag bunnies for Easter. My bunny wasn’t standing up on its own, so I started to complain at it. Saying things like, “Why can’t you stand!” getting angry at it for no reason. To make things worse, my teacher pointed out my behavior to the whole class, making a fool out of me. Now that I think about it, this teacher was always judging me for my actions. (Which probably didn’t help the situation…)
When my family notices me crying for no reason about random things, all they do is get frustrated at me. My sister even gets involves with this, calling me a “crybaby”, and saying, “Oh, you’re crying again?” This makes me wonder if something is wrong with me; and makes me think of what life would be like if I haven’t taken this route to turn me into an always gloomy monster with low emotional control that can’t conceal her anger. Unleashing rage by sometimes inflicting damage to something or someone.
Feeling like this monster everyday makes me want to restart life, growing up all over again, patching up everything that made me this way. Acting like everything is fine, nothing is wrong with me. Keeping a straight face as I slowly wish that everything was different and something will change, but no. I know this will not happen and everyone that’s sane makes me hate myself just a bit more.