Hey…So here\'s how my Saturday went, and how my Sunday is currently going at the moment, I\'m really starting to pissed by a few things, Which i\'ll probably talk about a bit in this entry…
So, Yesterday I was able to see my dogs Spicegirl and Snowball, They jumped into my bed and I just hugged them and gave them a bunch of kisses. Of course my short moment of happiness was taken away, and it was taken by mom, AGAIN.
She started to hound me, saying that she thinks I\'m not trying hard enough to get out of the hospital, she was like "Do you expect to be perfectly better so soon? You have crohn\'s disease it\'s not going to be all the way pain free" I already KNOW this, I know i\'m going to be in pain, I\'m in pain every-fucking-day for reasons no one but people on this site know about!
So, Me being stressed out already physically and mentally I started to cry a bit and I just buried my face in Spicegirl and Snowball\'s fur, and just hugged them. Then mom said there was no reason to cry,
FUCK her….If she knew all that I was dealing with on my own, mentally and physically she\'d see how much of a child she really was. But I have no energy to fight w/her. Then later on that saturday she apologized, and I just nodded but I don\'t believe it.
I got even more depressed when Spicegirl and Snowball left (they also didn\'t want to leave, haha.) I miss them, I love them so much. I know I said this before but I feel like their the only ones (outside of this site) that won\'t judge me, I can just hug them and silently cry myself to sleep, Which I have done in the past.
So, If i\'m still in the hospital by this coming weekend, I hope I can see them again.
Then, Saturday night the nurse was seriously getting on my nervs, She was being pushy, and being way to straight-forward. She was saying this to my mom "Mom, She needs to take a shower, Teens at this time make alot of hormones and I can bllah blah blah" you get my point,
Let me say this, I\'m a very clean person damn it! I just didn\'t have deodorant (THEN, she actually brought in deodorant and practically threw it at me, and didn\'t leave til I put it on, she was acting like I wouldn\'t if she didn\'t watch me, I\'m 16 damn it, I\'m not a fucking baby!) and I had physically therapy that day as well. and with me and my anxiety and no self-esteem, it made me want to jump out the window.
I hate that night nurse, I can never understand her with her thick accent, and she makes no sense and is pushy and doesn\'t take other peoples feelings into account. (Which is not good if your in a children\'s hospital,)
So…That\'s how last night went. So let\'s move onto how today is so far.
Alright, So today I only had to deal with one of the doctors, and not the whole group (since it\'s a sunday) but I got annoyed having to explain everything to him again, Plus I\'m paranoid at the thought of going home w/the NG tube….I REFUSE to do that.
Then, mom is on my case about going for a walk (Just around the hallway and what not for my physical therapy) and I was like \'okay just let me finish this law & order SVU episode\' and she was like \'okay\'
So i\'m watching it, and she bug me again. and is like "I don\'t want to watch law & order all day, I came to help you out, I\'m bored with just sitting here"
SO just to shut her up, I turned it off and went for the fucking walk! and when we came back she was nagging me about writing thank you cards for some of the get well cards I got, (Which I don\'t believe they actually care…It was just pity)
But I was going to do it,But it\'s hard with an IV in my hand you know? and she was just so annoying about it, and then she\'s saying I need to drink more water as well, and it just goes on and on.
When she\'s not sleeping here, she\'s bugging me about something, or whatever. and just going around talking to nurses (who are trying to work) and I feel like she\'s also annoying our nurse (which the one I have today is really nice) and ugh..I don\'t know.
Then, this woman named Amanda came, She\'s one of the hospitals chaplains (I think that\'s how it\'s spelled) and mom force me to talk to her. Again let me point out, I might be fucked up but I know my faith and religious beliefs, But I just didn\'t feel like talking to someone else about my hospital stay or anything else for that matter.
Today has just been bad from the start, and I\'m feeling alot of pressure from not only my problems but having to be an adult and deal with my \'mother\' being a child at times, fighting with my dad, trying to keep my brother together and just-
UGH, I want to scream at the top of my lungs until they bleed, Or just cut so deep it hits an artery and I bleed out in seconds…I\'m so tired, I want to close my eyes and never wake up.