I dont even know how blogs work. I hope Im in the right area to write this.

Hi. I just had to let this out someplace. I was so sad today. I hate the feeling of despair. I feel that no one cares . I shouldnt feel this way but I do. I have a wife three kids a nice house a decent job. Lets start with the wife. She seems to complain all the time. I feel she tolarates me. I think she stopped loving me some time ago. We have been married 20 years. The last 3 or 4 we have lived like roommates. No intamacy. I had tried but after a number of tries I gave up. So every day its come home sit on the couch eat watch tv sleep. I have no friends. I have no one, NO ONE to talk to. Day after day I keep all my feelings bottled up. I use to try and talk to the wife. I think it annoyed her more than anything else. She just didnt have the time for my trivial issues. When I asked her about the way I felt she was treating me. She would say it was all in my mind. Apparently my feelings really didnt count because she was not doing anything wrong. I detested her smugness.so for about the last 10 years it been a great facade that is worn. mostly for the kids. Speaking of the kids. I had one incedent with my son that ripped my heart out it still does. My phone broke so I borrowed an old one of his. He was maybe 15 at the time. Well I took the phone with me to transfe all my stuff after work. During work I looked at his phone. All his contacts were still on it. I was not in his contacts! his Mother was. His Uncles were. His grandparents were. But not his Father. That said to me I dont need to call my father there are other people that can help me. I wasnt someone he would ever consider calling.

I dont know I really dont feel like writing any more this Evening. Thanks to all who take the time to read this I didnt make me feel much better. I hoped it would but it didnt.

  1. onelyric 8 years ago

    I am glad you wrote ..it  takes time to feel comfortable here. We all have something in common so don't feel like no one is listening because we are. I think your wife just doesn't understand what your going through or your thoughts. Tis a shame. … and kids are funny sometimes ..oh if i told you about mine. They don't even call…

    Your words count. We care….

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  2. TaraE3389 8 years ago

    My husband left me because of the depression and illnesses I have. He shut down and stopped trying to understand me and then out of nowhere he was gone. I'm new to this also. No one in my family seems to understand that depression is a real illness. They believe I feel sorry for myself and that may be true at times. But mostly I'm just lost. I have epilepsy so I lost my job. I barely make it financially if you call it making it at all.I stay in bed most of the day and sleep because at least when I'm asleep I don't think about how I failed in life. It really is awful to battle this alone. And I'm like you I feel like talking about it doesn't help. Medication doesn't help, Therapy doesn't help. NOTHING. Is there a such thing as true happiness? I'm beginning to think there isn't. Just realize you are not alone. Apparently there are many of us out here who lost.

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