This is when you try to fix your problems and realise once again, that in this day and age you can't. You know this means you won't be able to live the life you want ever in the future so you eat all the things your trying to avoid to punish yourself. What is the point in this? how is this going to help me? It's where you have a problem and you can't fix it so you angrily keep doing everything to make the problem worse to say "fk you" to the world. You think maybe if it gets so bad then someone will care, but it's not like that really.
I tried to get help today. They think i'm being obsessive now. If they had all the problems i had, THEY would be obsessive too! Although they are the most helpful one i've had and they are trying to get some help, just not everything i need. I'm not really angry at them though, just the fact that i'm alone with all of this. Now i've got sh*t in my fridge to make me feel worse. Life is so disgusting.

Some people have no problems.. theres this one i saw who was angry and upset etc and attention seeking because she found out she was pregnant with her bfand is getting rid of it and i know this is really nasty to think this and that it's not something i'm meant to think but "F**K YOU!". Your much older than me and know that sex leads to pregnancy. Some people can't even get it, some people can't even make relationships or friends never mind even communicating with eachother. She won't speak to me for no aparrant reason even though i have tried a lot. I'm only saying thisbecause im not sure if it's right or not to feel like this about that but i have a feeling it's not. But do you know what i mean, some people have health problems that mean they couldn't even have the chance to be that stupid if they wanted to, and there are some people that have serious health problems that could kill them that havn't been caused by them in any way but some people have nothing to blame but themselves for being an idiot and that's the only time they will ever be not liking their life. I would have been nothing but nice to her but she doesn't speak to me for no reason whatsoever. Yes i know, this is wrong to be like this and they could have problems i don't know about but when it comes to situations where people have one blip of non-enjoyment of their life, wheras for you you don't even get a blip of enjoyment, and they have the ability to moan about it and be selective of the people they moan to, i am an insensetive and envious bitch in my mind. There you go. I've posted something like this before and removed it later because it seems like it's directed at that individual but it's not. What i'm trying to express is the equivilent of someone being able to have a relationship, and then someone not. It's the equivilent of a bird with wings, complaining to the other birds about having wings because they crashed into somethingwhile theres a bird there who was born without wings and will never be able to fly.

maybe the same things could be said for myself and my problems but it's nota fault of my own that people don't like me when i'm being nothing but nice to them. You can't exactly handcuff someone and make them be your friend. It's not a fault of my own!


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