not sure if I will get this right, but here goes…. I used to post on the blogs on the old format of Depression Tribe, not sure what happened to the logs from then, too bad that they seem to be deleted and gone forever now. I have some of them backed up but not all of them, darn it.
Anyways, my last month was not a good one. Was in the ER a number of times and spent a few days in the mental ward. They ran so many tests on me that I am not sure what they all did. Then again, most of the month, I was so out of it, I can not remember much. Still feeling scared and paranoid from all of the things that I am pretty sure that I am never going to know. Like: why did this happen? what triggered it? why can I NOT remember it? did I do ‘bad’ things?
Really, feel out of place yet. Been sleeping too much again. Starting to get back to something of a life, if my life is something that I want to live, that is. I had to stop doing certain things that I used to do… I used to give my time to the area with the VFW (I am a combat veteran, for those that do not know), I also stopped driving.
I am not really looking forward to winter, but that is the usual for me. Winter time is so cold and dark for me, seems most of the bad things in my life have happened during the winter months. Once Halloween passes, it seems like the endless night falls until spring…. hate the snow and cold…. used to not mind it, but I was young then.
Seems the older I get, the more things are messed up for me. I can go on and on about the terrible things that are in my life… ex-wife…. my son and not being able to see him or be a part of his life… it is all part of being me, seems like nothing wants to go right and there is nothing that I can do about it.
I have been watching many things online about the ‘end of the world’ stuff. Seems like there are so many people saying that we are going to do terrible things…. world war or something…. personally, I am not sure that would be so terrible, maybe mankind has done everything it is going to do and our time is over.
Sorry if I am not making any sense here, but I need to type things out. I go back and try to read them later, if I remember to. Any ideas? Go ahead and reply…. send me a message…. whatever….
Take Care, WicDavid
I always find it funny when the chicken littles of the world go around, squawking about how the sky is falling. Turns out, the sky has been falling almost as long as those chicken littles have been around. Each major civilization eventually falls, because it gets complacent and greedy and its infrastructure becomes corrupt. Just as a poorly made or poorly maintained foundation will not hold-up a house for long, so too will a poorly made or poorly maintained infrastructure fail. But we – humans – keep going. We’ve outlived a multitude of wars and natural disasters. Eventually the Sun will swallow us up… but that won’t happen for (literally) millennia from now.
I do not say any of this to trivialize your pain. I hope only to remind you that there is no point in dwelling on what could happen in the future. Try to focus only on the present, and just live in the moment. One step at a time.