Okay. Let’s start this off with an introduction of myself. I warn you I might be boring. Anyways, I am adopted. You might feel happy that I got taken in. Others might feel bad for me because they know it sucks and is complicated. You would think that when you’re adopted you are happy with your new family and that you’d never want to go back to you’re old living conditions. *Cough cough* So not true. All throughout my early childhood I lived with multiple family members because my parents were too young and bad to raise me. My dad didn’t even know that I was born until I was 6 months old and my mom had me when she was 16. Obviously that’s a major factor on why we got seperated. But that’s not all.

All until this year, I didn’t know that my mom was BIPOLAR so she couldn’t help what she did, that my dad was sober for 7+ months, that my dad is going to college in Iowa, and that I could legally have connection with them. My adopted mom, whom is also my 2nd cousin, didn’t tell me much at all about them. I heard it all from my grandma. Whereas, my ‘mom’ doesn’t want me to be able to have communication with my parents because we looked at all of there records that Iowa, Wisconsin, and Minnesota let us look over with my therapist. Car smashing, window breaking, domestic abuse, birth mom getting trolled on by a sex trafficker that I apparently lived with, stealing from stores, threats to police, stalking orders, restraints on them where they couldn’t see certain people, my dad put a gun to his head when the police wanted to question him about something, and a lot more shitty things.

All because of what my biological parents did, I honestly think that my adopted mom is so overprotective because she doesn’t want me to turn out like them. It’s not like I’m going to be like my parents and  I sure as hell ain’t gonna be like my adoptive mom. If she thinks I am, she should know that I would rather be like my birth parents then her. The thing is, she doesn’t trust me with anything. I don’t have a phone yet,  I can’t go to my friends’ houses much, and she doesn’t communicate with me about anything. And she wonders why I don’t trust her with anything and why I don’t ever talk to her. What goes around comes around. The only way that I can get my pain out is by talking to my close friends, but how is that possible when I don’t have a phone? She thinks the only way I can open up is by talking to my therapist, but no it’s the complete opposite. My therapist hasn’t really helped me with my problems I  needed help to solve, and she talks to my mom about half of the stuff I talk with to her. I thought what we said unless I was planning to hurt myself or others is that what we talk about stays only between us two. Totally. I can’t trust her. If I told her that I wanted to move out, she’d go tell my mom then my mom would ask me that night why would I ever want to move out when  have a kind loving family. And I can’t ‘fire’ my therapist. How are you able to not have them? Do you tell them that you don’t really want one anymore and you think it’s not very beneficial? Probably not because your parents have control on if they want them to continue seeing their kid, And that’s not fair. At all. I should get a say on if I want someone or not. Yes, I want a therapist, but a different one. Does anyone know how? Ok, I’ve had it. I’ve made my decision. I will keep posting for you guys. And I will end every blog with a question. Do you think you could help answer it?

 

Love,

The girl that has to many questions about this thing called life,

A.k.a,

Arianna

 

 

2 Comments
  1. hellowallz 2 years ago

    You will never stop questioning life and it’s true that (some) Therapists don’t always have the answer you are wanting (I can further expand on that later). My parents adopted my neice when she was 1 so I’m familiar with the whole feeling angry, abandoned and in search of answers as I have been there since day 1 through her struggle, and she is now 22. It gets better and easier in time. Communication is key and you expressing your story is the first step towards living happy and recovering. If you would like to speak specifically on certain issues I would be more than happy to listen and perhaps add insight to what may assist you in finding some inner peace. I may also be able to recommend some resources that can put you in touch with positive and helpful information.

    Remember to breathe. And keep ya head up!

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  2. iamweird 2 years ago

    hi look i now you probably have heard this a thousand times but i am really sorry i know what it feels like to feel like nothing is going right maybe we could start a private chat

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