Greetings Tribe, I hope all of you are doing better. If not, there will be better days ahead.

If you have been following this blog, you know that I was bound to turn up here during a full moon for my monthly review of how my life is going. To be honest, I don\'t really want to do this, but it is a something I said I would…so here I am.

My mood has been up and down, my anxiety has been the same, and my brain has sometimes been quiet, sometimes never quiet.

I met with my shrink today, we discussed work issues, home issues, life issues, and the future. I realized before I went in to see her that I really don\'t have any goals left in life. This isn\'t exactly true, she got me to see there are things that I want, I just don\'t know how to get them right now.

I just want to go to sleep and have this month be over with. It wasn\'t really bad, I just don\'t remember much about it.

What I do remember doing…

  • I successfully saved enough to purchase those snow tires for my vehicle. By my next FM review, they will probably be mounted on the rims so I can get a feel for them before any major snow hits.
  • I…rocked the boat at work as I mentioned I was going to. Interesting thing happened, the issues I discussed with those who have the power to affect them…have disappeared. As soon as I unloaded each and ever issue it is like the issue released from me. I can file them under "not my problem anymore" and be alright with that.
  • Followed my instincts 3 times this past cycle, and each time it lead me to a place I was glad to be. Dinner with a friend was the most recent one, that was enjoyable. I\'m not sure what the other two were, but I know my instinct was correct on both.
  • Fixed an issue with my place that needed to be fixed before winter. It was a project I started about two years ago and is now coming to a close.
  • Stopped drinking so much caffeine, down from (up to) three 44-oz cups of soda to (up to) two 20oz bottles a day. Sometimes I still go for the 44 oz, but not multiples per day and no everyday.
  • I said small things count too, so Mowed the Lawn
  • Realized that my goals might be so large I sometimes fail to see them, but they do exist. (Just found that out)
  • I am attempting to "communicate" better with my boss. That doesn\'t come natural to me, expecially when he fails so many \'trust tests\'. Dismisses my anxiety/depression episodes by using "Well, everyone around here is a bit off" defenses. . .stuff like that. I find it difficult to communicate with someone I feel doesn\'t take me seriously on…well…anything.
  • I have purchased some new "are you impressed yet" clothing to wear when I visit area businesses to promote my business. Granted, I still have to finish the business plan, create the website, design the marketing, print the materials…and get up the courage to actually go visit the businesses…but I got the cloths at least.

 

Now, we has not gone so well…

  • My meditation area is STILL not cleaned up, I make a little progress and than pile more crap there.
  • My dog STILL needs that haircut
  • I missed my last hair cut, but the way my hair is…once every two months might be plenty.
  • Oh, that cleanup job in the computer room, it\'s exactly the same way it was on my last review. I am making some changes, so it might get better by next FM.
  • *snip*

There is just so much to be done, I feel overwelmed sometimes. However, my doctor has changed my meds up a bit when I went in to see him. I think that change might be having a very good affect on me. I finished a two year project (well, nearly finished) within three days of the meds change. We\'ll see what else I get done before the next FM. That will be a good test to see if part of my issue was the meds or if this change is just in my head.

 

I guess that\'s all for this review.

Reflecting on how I feel right now…tired, drained, yet hopeful. My heart goes out to all those who need to know there are still people on this earth that really do care. I won\'t show it as much face to face, because it does have the power to destroy me. However, I still do care…and there are many many more like me who care but are unable to show it.

 

Special thanks to…

My wonderful white witches and the rodent too. \"\"

My Lady in the sky \"\"

and…You, my readers. \"\"

 

Lost Wolf is Hhhhooooowwwwwwwllllllllling his appreciation.

 

 

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