I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression as a little girl. I have been going to therapy and counseling since I can remember. My only problem is that going to therapy causes me to panic. I do not like to open up to people when I first meet them. It takes me awhile to get comfortable around others. People always think I am so shy, however, it is just my anxiety kicking in and causes me to panic. I can be the most talkative and laid back person when i get to know people. I take medicine daily. I hate taking it however. I feel like the medicine is making me who I am instead of me doing it myself. If that makes any sense. I have panic attacks just about weekly. Sometimes I could just be watching my favorite tv show and my heart starts racing, I get really shaky, and sometimes just cry. I have no idea what is causing it at times, it just happens. I hate when it happens when I am alone because it can be very difficult at times to calm myself down and get my mind back on track. It makes me feel so alone at times because a lot of people just dont understand. They try to understand but they dont always get it. I have lost a lot of friends over having anxiety and it has damaged a lot of relationships that I have been in. Many of my relationships have also caused my anxiety to be worse. I have been in physically and emotionally abusive relationships so it is very hard for me to open up and get comfortable around people I like. I have a fear of people just up and leaving because they cant deal with the anxiety attacks or just dont simply want too. My anxiety has made me feel like I am not good enough many many times. I am hoping one day I can find the right friends, and hopefully the one that will understand me and my anxiety. I want them to like me for me.