hey everyone, i wrote a blog last night to which i replied a with a note of thanks. There has been so much change im my life latley due to coming off the drugs, changing my enviornment and moving away from my old area , even if it is for a short tijme, and detoxing and evem though i have my cousellor who is one in a million, i still have to say this site and people on it have been an absloutley massive help to me and u all will never know how much i appriciate what you are all doing for me.
Amyway feeling a good bit better today, probably due to the steoids, augmentin and valium (which im not planning or going to take in the long term cos i dont need or ever want to detox off anything else. I forgot to metiom yesterday iin my blog that the doctor said aswel that i have a throat infection, it was very hard to even swallow water or a hot drink but thats getting better too.
Fuck i feel like all i do in my blogs is compain… sorry….
im sure ur all sick of listening to me at this stage.
Anyway the doc yesterday wanted to put me back up on my methadone, …wonder why that was?? Hmmm…maybe cos im no use to him when im off it,. Then he actually said ' well i think u should go into residential treatment for 3 months when ur off the methadone? ' HA, should that not have happenend (if id have let it) when i was coming off heroin in the first place…all the fucker cares about is his money, well im more determined than ever to get off that shit and off his list. That doesnt mean i wont go to the clinic, but i wont see him anyway, il go and see my counsellor, she has been a great support to me and im sure il need her more than i have had in the coming weeks an months cos without the methadone my support in that sense will be gone so il need to talk alot , if i know my head, an i do -sometimes, i kmow it will be all over the place. My blood pressue was 92/57 which if im right isnt great… but i suppose thats to be expected aswell…
Im writing alot too, which i find good for my own head, so thats helping.
Another thing suggested in my last blog by a commenter was that i should take baths. well unfortunatey when my mother bought this house she doesnt take baths – none of us were ever into them, especially since i just get bored and donr know what to be doing, any way she took the bath out and just put in a double shower so i guess gettiing in the sh0wer a few times a day when im feeling like that would probably do me good….?
I met a guy, taking it slow, especially at the moment, i know him through friends down here so i know what this one is like, well to a certtaiin extent anyway so thats something. Im not looking for anything serious, or non-serious, not looking for much really just my 3 'expectations' To be treated with respect, honesty and love/caring. Not asking for too much i dont think,just what i feel i need and deserve.
Anyway thanks for listening to my babbling and crap again guys.
You are all a massive support to me and i appriciate you all to no end and hope i can help any of u in the ways u have helped me.
By the way even though i selected 'SAD' as my mood im not exactley sad im just kind of pisssd of and confusd and in pain so i thought it was the next best.
I’m not trying to be negative by saying this but be very careful having a relationship this early on. I’m sure others on here will agree. Just from my own experience I thought it was a good idea and was warned by numerous people and didn’t listen I figured it would be another positive in my life at the time I was sober and things couldn’t get any better. Everything was great for months and I felt awesome because I was clean and healthy and felt good to live life on lifes terms. My girlfriend supported me 100% and didn’t drink or use so it was almost like it was perfect that we got together. All of a sudden one day she tells me that I am too much for her and that she needs to be with someone who doesn’t have a past history such as mine and seriously cuts all ties instantly. Moved, changed her number, changed her job and left me wondering what the f*ck did I do the day before we were looking at flats together and she told me how much she loved me. hahaha some how overnight the love she proclaimed must have blown out the window with the wind. I was probably in shock for a couple days before blowing a fuse. I needed to get f*cked up I didn’t have to but my mind was overstimulated and I had a couple Valiums left from detox which I took first thinking it would numb my thoughts. Well it did just that numbed them so well that I went out and drank a bottle of Vodka and grab a sack the rest was history only the people I am with can account for because I don’t remember any of the two days I was gone. I realized then why people told me I shouldn’t have been dating but I’m a stuborn bastard and never listen and I can’t say too much more cause I am trying not to date anyone and it’s very hard cause I am very lonely but I don’t wanna be co-dependent either. F*ck it blows and I know I still can’t make good decisions. Hopefully someday I will haha. EaZy…..