Right now I am in the middle of a nasty divorce with a ex that is doing all he can to make my life as difficult and as miserable as possible. He is fully aware of my mental illness and knows exactly how to push my buttons and set of my triggers. In fact he is forcing me in to a nasty corner right now and bringing my mental illness up to the court as an issue to my capability to parent our children. It’s a low and dirty move and it just stresses me right out. In fact yesterday I was forced to go to my lawyer’s office to respond to my ex’s affidavit referring to a break down a had a few years ago. He actually put me in a position where I was forced to stand there and explain myself. Explain why I could not work or pay my bills, why I lost my job and my home and ended up in the hospital and in some motel the next province over. The worst thing was this particular break down I was forced to justify he himself was responsible for causing. What a Jack A#%! I spent an hour in this office with my lawyer who I know but not well being literally forced to reveal details of my life and my condition and try to explain myself so that he could further take that info to a complete stranger and have them judge me on it. I was so anxious, so stressed out, I was talking so fast I could barely catch my breath and my hands trembled and I was so furious and my head started to hurt until I had such a migraine I couldn’t see straight. It was terrible and to know that now all of it will be made public knowledge and public record and all those strangers will read it and hear it and judge me. It is sickening. Even when I thought I had calmed down I was wrong. I went to bed calmly and as soon as I lay down and closed my eyes my pulse started racing. My heart beating so fast I felt like a humming bird. God this drives me up the wall.
dont give up and keep fighting. this is for you and your children. i have kept my anxieties a secret but there was one person whom i told that used it against me. it really is a painful thing to experience so i know what your going through, not to that extent but i understand. please stay strong, you sound like a good person and i wish you the best. if you need to let some steam out or anything dont be afraid to get in touch
Hi mamabear,i understand what u mean by him knowing how to push ur buttons,my partner done that too,and i pushed his butons too i must admit,but after having 2 breakdowns i found the strengh to leave,and yes its not easy but being away from him i hope u find a little peace inside of u,i wish u all the best for the future and tc,im here if u want to talk
kia
stay strong, I was In your position once and still ongoing .seams as though even when the cort battle is done the battle doesent stop there. Its a constant struggle. . I diddnt start having the pannic attacks untill after my divorse and now I am even scared to seek treatment because I am afraid it will get back to him and he will file another custody suit on the grounds of my instability, so your strugels I can understand. You may have a handicap of sorts but, you can still show that you are a good mother. Sometimes as a last resort you could think about geting a cort apointed special advocate, they will interview the children and make an assasment of their happieness. make sure they are thriving and well when they are with you. Be Strong and fight for your kids like you fight this ungly anxiety, your dertermination to give the best for you kids is what a judge realy wants to see. We all have our weaknesses, atlest you seek help for yours. In my book that makes you the stronger parent.
Sorry to hear about your troubles – I'm going thru a much more amicable divorce, so I'm thankful for that, even though it still isn't easy – she never did really understand & accept my medical issues. But my gf is going thru one with an asshole like yours, so I am seeing 1st hand how messed up things can realy be. I hope you get thru it ok – good luck & take care.
Kind Regards,
Bill