I feel like letting out some emotion.
If i had somebody i could call and talk too i probably would instead of typing this out. Then again i hate phones, so probably wouldn't.
My mind is stuck on a question, "is this life worth fighting for anymore?" and i just dont know. Once i do know i suppose i'll at least have some direction again.
I dont know what i'm fighting for anymore. I dont have a purpose, i dont have a goal. It was easy before when my late love was here. I'd fight for her, fight to make her happy, to make her feel loved, to make her feel safe. It was so easy to achieve victory to fight on when you see what your goal is and you see results, a smile, a laugh, a hug, a kiss.
I'm thankful and -very- lucky that i've been able to experience certain things in my life. While anxiety ruled me always, i found a sense of peace for awhile. I almost had my happily ever after ending. Theres a saying though a happy ending is just a story that isnt finished yet.
My mind is circling around thoughts, trying to solve a problem that has no real solution. Its so tired of feeling this way, It wants to know what it wants, it wants to know what is it to fight now. I think if i fight, if i win what do i have to look forward too? Am i fighting to be alone the rest of my life? Am i fighting to work a terrible job? I just dont see a purpose, i will not fight just to live.. i'm already tired and beat up as it is.
Just depressed and lonely this morning.