I’m soo lucky to have found the friends that I have on this site. It’s so amazing to know that there are people out in the world, who do care about me, more than I care about myself. If I didn’t have the people I mention I honestly don’t know where I’d be. I know I’m not very open, I know that I’m not good at sharing, and I’m trying to work on it. I’m hoping the therapy I’m doing may help me in that department.
Sometimes I feel I let my friends down. I feel like I’m not there enough, especially recently. I’m sorry to those who I have let down, or disappointed. I just don’t know what to say most of the time.
I had a conversation with my best friend BethM on MSN today. She’s soo amazing, and I’m soo lucky to have her. I admire her courage soo much, and I wish soo much that I could be more like her in my openness. She said something that really made me think about getting help. We are soo much opposites in many, many ways, but in a lot more we are the same. She’s open about her cutting, where I am closed. I hardly talk about it, let alone show people the cuts. I’m paranoid about people seeing the scar on my wrist and I dread the time when I become intimate with someone, as I have soo many scars on my body. She is an amazing person, and deserves all the happiness in the world. I care more for her than I do myself. She is soo courageous, has more strength than she even realizes. I see it. For someone to survive the things she has gone through, and still goes through, you have to be strong, have to have the resilient spirit that she has. We have laughed, and cried together. We have talked for hours and hours at a time. She’s the best friend I never had. It’s just very frustrating when she lives half way across the world. Someone of her soul deserves no sadness, no pain, no suffering, and I would take a bullet for her in a heartbeat. When I met Beth, we clicked straight away, She helped me through a crisis, and she saved my life that night, even though she may not think it! She did. I owe her everything.
Jazz… my dear jazz. We have so many good times together! Jazz is another amazing soul that I have met on DT. He often keeps me sane. He is one of the most caring and compassionate people I know. We talk almost every night. I don’t know what I’d do without him. He is my best mate, my friend. My Aussie companion. His heart is soo big, and such a joker! I just hope he realizes how much his offer means to me. I don’t think there are enough words to even say it right. We clicked straight away also. He has seen me drunk, he has seen me sober, he has seen me through my worst, and my best (so far). He is a breath of fresh air in my life. I don’t usually have “guy” friends, so he is one special person. If anyone can make me laugh, It’s him. He raises my mood, and I love him for it. I don’t think he realizes how much his kindness means to me, so I must make sure he reads this blog. A kind, kind spirit my Jazz has.
There are so many others that I have become friends with, too many to go into detail with, some special people I could mention are, Love_Shines ( One of the funniest and amazing people I have ever met! My yearling! I haven’t talked to Shiney in a little bit so I must check in with him. He is soo caring, soo compassionate, and understands me more than I do myself sometimes. He has got me hooked on some AMAZING music!! **Overcome*** by Live **) Miss TinyRachie, (another amazing, amazing person, my other yearling. So kind and SOOOO Funny!) FourtyFour, ( One of the wisest people I have ever met! I look up to her so much, she has so much to say, and so many kind words or encouragement, support and help. She has to be one of the most intelligent women I know. She’s always there offering advise, and never one to leave a short comment on my blogs, which I truly thank her for. I want to be like her when I get older. She’s defiantly my idol), Mart, ( another wise, wise man. We have a lot of fun together too! You make me laugh so much!).Caroyln ( A kind, kind soul, and I have missed her, She said that she wasn’t going to be online until early in the new year, I miss her a lot.)
There are so many more and I can’t go through everyone, Some days I feel so thankful that I have found this site, found the kind people that I have. Those compassionate ones. Those ones I can truly call “friends”.
I feel a bit bad for not writing about everyone that means something to me, but I would be here all day if I did.
Now that I have been blogging more I have found some amazing people, that I have only just started to talk to, Army_wife and Without especially. I don’t know how I missed these fine women before?! I defiantly want to keep in touch with these fine women.