Oh damn it!!

Life is torture when you can't bring yourself to suicide because you're afraid

You have to keep on surviving or more like "walking dead" because there's just no hope. I know this is a fact in my case…

Oh this pain is unbearable !…

and the loneliness! …

the loneliness just kills me a bit more each day just not enough to end it all!

I reach to people who are worse than me, people that actually depend on me , but there's never anything for me when i'm in need, because no one knows how to help they say.

So i have this moment of desperation when i cry and i cry and i cry some more and i feel like that is it , i will die because my heart can't take it anymore.

But then reality quicks in and i realize that i am alone again just crying in anguish just like any other day or night or afternoon. That my tears won't solve anything, that my tears are secret like they've always been.

Then there's silence in me but not peaceful silence

a silence and a sigh

as my breath exists my body, with it, is this thought i get everytime i go through this

I GIVE UP, WHATEVER , IT DOESN'T MATTER

i cry everytime feeling literally, like there's this gash inside of me that is tearing open and it's becoming deeper

It's like being in a desolated island and screaming for help but no one can hear you. Like being trapped in a glass box that you can see your dreams and your hopes and feel like you can almost touch them and you reach out and there's that wall… that wall that is always there even though sometimes you think it's gone but no, no , it's there! , it's still right there, where it's always been…

I am at time's mercy…

To be insane would be so much better.It would be so much better to not really be aware of anything, itwould be soo much better than experiencing this and wanting a solution but not knowing how and having no one that can trully help and someone who really cares…