Hello Tribe Mates!

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He is a Pure O thinker mostly, and tends to doubt our relationship from time to time. We have been working through the cycles of him being great with me, then pulling away for weeks at a time, then coming back again…and it has been rough sometimes. I figured out the pattern, mostly, and overall we have been able to work through things and have a good to great relationship.

In May, he got a big promotion at work for a position he has always wanted but wasn't sure he would be able to do. He started working day and night, on his days off, and we didn't have much time together.

Since then, it has been 6 1/2 months and work has taken over his life. We got a house together and moved in 2 1/2 months ago, and since then I have seen him retreat from me, having less and less time to spend with me. Now, he sometimes comes to bed at 5:30 a.m., we spend *no* time together at all any more, and he says he is overwhelmed at work. I am hearing from others that he is spending time talking to people at work for hours, which is why it is taking him so long to get his work done.

Our relationship is beginning to suffer; he seems to be avoiding me but he says he isn't, just working all the time. He comes home after I am asleep at night and I go to work before he wakes up. He works weekends, and won't even have time to have lunch or breakfast with me even one day a week. He doesn't call me or answer when I call.

I love him, don't want to lose him, and don't know what to do. It seems like the two big things have caused him stress where he says he has no more to give to me, and my asking to eat breakfast with him one day a week causes him to call me "needy". What do I do???? I love him and don't want our relationship. He means the world to me – how do I support him so he feels safe to be in our relationship again?

1 Comment
  1. crazyinlove 10 years ago

    Thanks Courage…I came up with a plan to give him a futon in our home office where he can close the door and have his old feeling of "space" when he needs it. 

    He seemed to like it alot when I ofered that and seemed relieved that I was OK with him taking space when he needed it.  Hopefully that will be enough to make him feel better so we can interact again.

    Thanks!

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