How life can change!!
Just when I thought everything was going well it turned around and bit me. In October last year (2012) my life made a grinding change, a change I didn't want to happen, but it did.
Last time I blogged things were grand. I'd found this great guy who was looking after me. Well I was with him going on 3 years and I wanted it to end at one. He changed from being a great guy to a child I wasn't willing to parent solo. With many attempts to dismiss him of his boyfriend duties he wasn't in it and stuck around like a smell in the house you were trying to locate. The only difference is I had located the smell, but couldn't get rid of the reason.
My Dad, my mate, my family heart has battled life for years with his MS and heart complications. In April last year (2012) life started to change and little did we know then that his wish of not being a burden on us was fast around the corner. My Dad is my hero. He was my go to man for advice, discussions, funny moments, and care. In April, not long after my birthday, he was taken to hospital with an infection. After five weeks we brought him home to a newly modified daily routine. We cared for him as he went in and out of hospital until mid September when we were told this was the last time we were going to have to worry about hospitals. We were asked to say our farewells and let the light guide Dad to his new place of residence. Mum stayed with Dad in the hospital the first night and from then Dad request I be by his side, of which I did. Hospital floors maybe hard, but for Dad I would have stayed on a bed of nails. We managed to get him transfered to a hospital closer to home of which we were told wouldn't happen and against all odds we were even able to bring him home of which he rested for a little over a week. A fitting departure to an incredible man. Mum was holding his hand and I held the other as I leaned in to ask him of his pain levels. My two sisters stood at the foot of the bed as he then took his final breath. A numbness filled my body with disbelief. The doctors talked of this ending, but my mind refused to accept it, yet here it was. Mum and I sat either side of his bed (Mum and I being his main carers for years) and as we sobbed with disbelief my sisters comforted us and let the nurse, who had just arrived in time, to go about her final duties in preparation of his final car ride.
Meanwhile this man I spoke about who should have supported me through this was more interested in chatting on his phone and texting and when he lifted his head to realise what had happened he gave me a pat on the back and told "it'll be right, you're fine". These words gave me strength. The strength I wanted after one year with him. I gave him his marching orders so I could concentrate on the more important people around me. Although it hurt at that time, I don't look back.
We gave Dad a life touching send off for an incredible man. Everyone commented on how amazing it was. The support of people I sort of knew was there was very much evident when Dad had passed and thoughts, prays, flowers and love flocked in. To this day four months later there are still people around giving me support. True friends. A day before Dad passed my Aunty passed away as well. When it rains it floods in my house.
So, four months on and I'm still standing. I went through some tough shit, but I'm still here. There has been times when I really wanted to be with Dad, but I'm still here. I toyed with the idea of dating again, but was unsure. But what do I have to lose right. Well I think Dad was glad I got rid of the other one and Mum told me they were worried I would end up with him…"why settle for second best when you can do so much better" my Mum told me. Now…my best has come.
I think Dad's been working hard for me and found a MAN!! He found a man who thinks a bit like himself, says things he would and thing that topped it off was Dad would always say male teachers should wear a suit to school. Cameron (the new man) is a high school teacher and wears a suit to school. Amazing. As for my OCD, I think Dad knew although I hadn't told my family and Cameron….geepers his already onto knowing how to calm me and get rid of those bad thoughts that contribute to it. Will he fall from his pedistool…who knows!?!?
Still living at home with Mum, we have decided it's time to move. I have lived in the same house for 28 years (my whole life) and I hate where I work so we have decided to move. My sisters both had babies last year as well and so Mum is going to move closer to them.
Me…well….life has certainly been an adventure in the last twleve boths and so as I close a chapter in my book of life I'll start the next one where ever the wind blows me.