I\'m just going to type as the words come to me – bear with me!

I\'ve been nervous the last few days about going to a concert tonight with my bf and some of his friends. They\'re good people, but I\'m still scared of them. We\'re having dinner first. I hate eating in restaurants! I need to exercise before we go (I won\'t eat until I work out first.) but I\'m running out of time. I\'m trying to wake up so I can work out. (This is early for us, we\'re night people.) Anyway, I\'m just nervous so I\'m venting. Hoping it will make me feel better and require me to take a few deep breaths. I shouldn\'t really be on here at all, but I need to do something. I\'m talking myself out of going! I love this band and I\'m lucky I get to go.

I LOVE music. I wish I could enjoy live music more. but I\'m always stressed at concerts. Once the band is playing it\'s okay because everything is so dark and loud no one could focus on me if they wanted to! But it\'s all the leading up to the show stuff I can\'t stand. Walking through crowds of people who are looking at me like I don\'t have the right to be there. Who am I to say that I\'m good enough to be a fan of an artist? What right do I have to be there at all? There are a lot of much prettier girls that deserve to be there much more than I do.

I don\'t know what to wear. I look like shit in everything. I feel like I gained 20 lbs. since last night! I just look awful.

I was so nervous I couldn\'t sleep last night, I kept having to set my alarm later and later. I did get a little over 4 hours though. That should be enough.

Anyway I\'m out. I\'m going to try to leave all this here. Let\'s see how I do.

Thanks guys! I do feel better just ranting. haha