Well friends, it's been a hell of a few weeks. Last Thursday Granny passed away. We all stood around her and sang for her, and she looked at each of us in turn. It was such an amazing experience, so much love in that room ~ and no fear on her face. 🙂 Her memorial service was last night, but I wouldn't go. I explained to my husband that I felt that I had said my goodbyes already and she knows that I love her, and I just can't handle anymore sadness right now. I'm an empath, so I soak up the feelings of the other people around me. I'm learning slowly how to shield myself, but I'm not strong enough yet to put myself in such a dangerous position. My husband understood, and while he was sad I didn't go, he was good about it.

I also took my son to a doctor last week because there was something wrong. I could just FEEL it. He's been getting sty after sty on his eyes, sometimes multiple ones at one time, and ringworm-like lesions on his skin. I finally had it when he had an abcess in his mouth and no tooth pain. The doctor there tried to convince me that there was nothing really wrong, but I convinced him to take samples. 2 days ago I got the news that he's been infected with MRSA (Mersa is how it's commonly spoken) and it's bad sh*t. It's a strain of staph infection that is highly resistant to antibiotics and if left untreated quickly becomes life-threatening. I'm watching his every move though and constantly checking him over. He seems to be responding to treatment, which I'm very thankful for. Please pray for his total recovery with me.

Myself, needless to say I haven't been having a good go of things. My depression is pretty deep. Getting out of bed is so hard, and doing simple tasks like laundry and vacuuming the living room seem insurmountable. I've now missed 3 classes of my philosophy course and we're only 3 months in. I can't miss any more time and I have 2 months yet to go still. I saw my psychiatrist today and he put me back on a low dosage of Ritalin since I did pretty well on it originally. When I told him about having such a hard time he looked at me and said, "Keya ~ you've GOT to fight this! You can't just go with the flow and take it lying down. It won't get better. Make yourself go to class, even if you cry all the way there ~ but get up, get dressed, and GO."

He wasn't mean about it, but it made me almost cry. I know he has my best interests at heart, he's a good man ~ but damn that hurt. I feel like I'm trying so hard as it is. Can't he see that?

He also told me that I need to see my therapist. He wants me with a therapist on a regular basis. I've mentioned that since my last one retired I haven't been to a session. It's been 4 months now. So I made an appointment for the last week of the month. I have to make myself go.

I'm trying to think of positive things to say. The weather is gorgeous today; it's 60 degrees and sunny and a little windy. This is probably the last cold front we'll have ~ the lightning bugs have started to come out and that usually signals the beginning of Spring for us here. I'll really miss the cool weather though. It gets hot here fast and stays that way for about 7 months or more. Ugh.

I don't know what else to say. I know I'm still isolating from everyone, and I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready to handle trying to hold up my end of a conversation right now. It's too hard. I love you all though and hope you know that. Please forgive me for being missing so often.


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